Friday, October 3, 2008

Who Wears the Pants?

Ok, boys, this is where you politely excuse yourself and come back tomorrow. 

So, I guess I really am the one that wears the pants in the family. I don't necessarily wield any significant power (well, yes I do), but I certainly am the sweatiest AND the hairiest member of the pack. I don't find it a total assault on my femininity that my husband can actual GO WITHOUT deodorant, while if I leave the hermetically controlled environment called my house (70 degrees, 0% humidity year-round), I begin to sweat profusely-- beaded forehead, pit-stains, and all. 

But being hairier than the three males in my house is so unfabulous. It can get a girl down. So you'd think I would do a better job of hair removal than I actually do. But I can't seem to keep up. Once the legs get shaved, the eyebrows have grown together. By the time I have those puppies cleaned up, my furry, sweaty pits need addressing. And did I actually spot a "goat hair" on my chin??? Maybe the answer is to just remove all the mirrors from my house, start burning incense and let the hair grow where it may. Gross. No thank you.

So I have tried to prioritize my hair removal needs and have spent years trying to figure out the best method of removal. Of course, each area requires a different method, I have found. Enjoying the results of tweezing on my eyebrows, I once tried to tweeze my legs. 2 hours later, my back had cramped up, I couldn't move my fingers, and felt perhaps, what was the early stages of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I did have awfully smooth legs (well, actually just one leg... I never got to the second) for quite some time.

But I have realized that no one else really seems to notice, so how hairy can I be? My husband doesn't seem to care if my legs are just a little prickly, and I don't think people are distracted by the stray hairs working their way down my eyelids, but if they are, screw 'em. What is most likely is everyone else is so distracted by their own imperfections, they hardly have time to notice mine. 

There is no moral to this story. If there is, would someone please point it out to me?

Happy Friday!!

oh, and ps: check out amelia bedelia's funny post that inspired me to "go there".


Jay @halftime lessons said...

You missed a spot.

:::dismisses self:::

Eudae-mamia said...

High maintenance grooming - sigh.

True story. Just the other night at a kiddo's birthday party, the girlfriends and I gathered around to listen to the ultimate fantasy. Husband-approved hot steamy sex with George Clooney? Nope, her hubby ponied up the money for lovely wife to get laser hair removal.

Now that's true love.

I'm so with you! Here's to Autumns arrival, and with it, three-day stubble.


Beadiful Things said...

omg, girl. too too funny.

i feel your pain. i'm a fair-skinned brunette who inherited my hair factor from my mom's side of the family (and Grandad had hair growing out of his ears). so unfortunate.

anyway, i've tried them all. tweezing, waxing, depilatories and even the ever-painful silk-epil (which my mother once famously tried on her bikini line and said if you started in a good mood, it wasn't so bad). ALL of them. next on my list: laser hair removal. that ought to get husband off the hook for about three years of birthday and Christmas gifts.

i'll let you know how that all works out.

amelia bedelia said...

I think this is great! thanks for the kudos...I love it that I have a hairy friend now. I don't feel so alone!!

Hizzeather said...

*sigh* I can relate on so many levels!