Thursday, February 26, 2009

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...Go Find Someone Else to Torture.

Getting old stinks. I remember being in my 20's and 30's and actually looking forward to hitting 40. Somehow, I thought this would miraculously mature me and make people respect me more. I thought there would be all sorts of exciting, automatic changes, validating me as a person. I am approaching an entire year of being 40 and, honestly, there have been some changes. Unfortunately, they have all been physical. Yuck. 

I know the grey hair is all my own doing. Perhaps now was not the best time to launch Root Watch '09. However, I will say, even though I look 75 years old, my hair is actually thicker and healthier than ever. I think the constant bleaching/dying/bleaching/dying/flat ironing/bleaching/curling had taken its toll and I had a lot of breakage and damage. So that's the good news. 

The bad news is on my face. MY FACE! Don't get me wrong... I've been expecting the wrinkles. In fact, I had it all planned out in my mind. Since I laugh and smile all the time, I just knew I would have those cute smile lines around my eyes, indicating to all, a lifetime of happiness and joy (even though parts of it really sucked). 

Well, the other day, I noticed that I am developing these deep, awful frown lines on each side of my mouth. Like a ventriloquist's dummy. I don't even know how to frown!! It's physically impossible for me! Yes, I get mad and sad, but when I do, it's all in my eyebrows. What is going on??? So now, not only do I look old, I look mean. With a head full of grey hair. I look like a mean, old marionette!!  I might as well start wearing tank tops everyday and wave my cafeteria lady arms at people. Maybe I'll even start calling everyone "Sonny." Just for fun.

Oh, and to top it all off, I still get no respect from anyone and I think potty jokes are funny. What is wrong with me?

Ugh... At least I have very youthful looking ankles and I'm continent. For now.

24 comments:

Tabitha in Bliss said...

Deb, I have to admit this cracked me up "Ugh... At least I have very youthful looking ankles and I'm continent. For now."

I have damaged my hair to no return and I've given up with dying, because the greys return the very next day!(literally)
If I can look like my Grandma as I age I won't mind at all. But, if not, lawdy lawdy!

Under the Influence said...

I am sneaking up on 42. Maybe you and I can get together for a discounted visit to a plastic surgeon - botox and restylane injections for all!

CaJoh said...

I have always looked older than I am— perhaps it's the way I act. I have only recently noticed that my hair is more white than red which makes me look even older than the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Halftime Lessons said...

I COMMAND you to throw away the damn mirror.

You are a beautiful and interesting woman, with a fantastic smile. That's it.

Now shatter it.

Bee and Rose said...

Deb, I am laughing with you! I am 43 and completely understand the whole "puppet mouth" thing! LOL! I actually found an age spot...AN AGE SPOT! on my right hand a few days ago and almost had a stroke! My grey hair likes to break off and stick straight up off the top of my head waving around like it desperately needs attention! My lovely 12 year old reminded me that "gee, Mom..you'll be 50 in just 7 years! No, wait...you'll be 44 in November...only 6 years! hahahahaha!" Grrr....

Kristina P. said...

I think that the wrinkles will definitely be the hardest to deal with. Gray hair you can cover up, but wrinkles, not so much.

Young Momma said...

I'm jealous of the ankles and being continent! lol

Don't worry - you look awesome! :)

Brenda Jean said...

Awwwww Deb, you look great! I don't remember seein frown lines. Though I have those too, and don't get it since I laugh and smile more than frown. My face isn't too horrible other than that. I do have old lady arms and I hate them. I read that I can exercise them away-- I better get started on that...tomorrow. Actually my hair isn't bad, and I'm am not going to let it go grey. Nope, I just can't go there.

Tony@ That One Paticular Harbor said...

I think this may be the time to break out the new button. On you. You've Officially Lost Your Mind!

I am with Jay- throw the mirror out in the trash.

That is not grey in your hair, those are drops of Jupiter. Signs of knowledge gained, beauty and a youthfulness that can never be taken away by anyone but you. I respect you.

jori-o said...

Well, there's always a silver lining, right? =)

Jenn@mylifewiththecrazies said...

Deb I am coming up on 36 and that is scary! My grey hair has been here since i was 19 (it is almost 100% grey now... but i color it faithfully every 3 weeks) the grey is courtesy of mom's lovely genes... but the hormonal stuff and wrinkles... ughhh...

Ginger said...

Ahh you are in the best years still. I had people tell me that when I was in my 40's and I didn't believe them...well in my 60's now and darn if they weren't right. I wish I could turn the clock back 20 years and enjoy them.
It sucks getting old, I don't care what anyone says. lol.

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

argh - I'm right with you on this one girlie! I HATE the greys - really I can't stand them - I HAVE to dye them - bad genes I say.

As to the wrinkles - I mean - how much Retin_A and wrinkle cream does a girl have to apply! IT DOES NOT WORK!!!

Here is my remedy- Botox - no kidding - I think I may I think I might!

Straight to Your Hart said...

I am happy to take from my butt the natural way to really fill in those puppet lines!! TMI? Just wanted to do a little "Potty" talk..At least I am in my cozy bed and not in the bathroom..K-this is flushing down way to fast...Thinking of the environment here...utilizing the natural elements..and zipping the lips!! giggling..can you get a buzz from being up to long??

Soxy Deb said...

As hard as it is for ME to believe, I have not one wrinkle at the ripe old age of 42.5, but... I have these puffy (and when I say puffy, I mean like the size of balloon animals) bags under my eyes that I CANNOT get rid of. That in and of itself makes me look about 70. Add to that the fact that I can't remember my own name; which way I turn, once I get into the Mall food court, to get to Victoria Secret (left, no right, right, no left - shit); and my bowels have become irregular. But, hey, I'm still continent too. I'm one lucky girl, right? *^#$@*

Eudea-Mamia said...

Do NOT underestimate the importance of fantastic ankles.

Google "Hillary Clinton in a skirt," and you'll understand why.

(How did I miss this post yesterday?! Can't wait to watch the fur fly with Jay and CaJoh - meow!)

Jenners said...

Ok ... we are almost the same age! I'm 41 and I too am facing the horror of ever-increasing grey hairs, the ventriloquist dummy lines etched in my face, the odd "spots" that seems to appear, the fact that I can't read tiny type unless I lift my glasses up (I think ...I ... might.....need....bifocals HOLY SHIT!) and the fact that my knees make noise every time I climb the stairs!

In my mind, I am about 25 (give or take 10 years) and I sometimes act like I'm 12 but my body is betraying me. Perhaps if ate right and exercised, things would be better...

But -- I do have nice ankles too. But really, who looks at ankles? But the day I get "cankles" is the day I'm outta here.

Girl Friday said...

Two words: MaMa Lotion.

This stuff should be sent home with us after we give birth.

http://mamalotion.com/

Gina Chen said...

Great post. I just turned 42, and I was shocked at how quickly my body went to pot.

One minute I was firm and young. And then -- crow's feet, flabby belly, skin so dry I cannot seem to moisturize it ever. I even lost eyelashes. (Mine used to be thick and beautiful, no more.)

The only good thing about my body now compared to my younger body is my previously acne-prone skin is now blemish free.

angie said...

Deb.......how did I miss this one? I'm dying. Dying. I just realized I'm not as youthful as I mistaken thought b/c my potty jokes are falling flat too. :)

Lindsay said...

I'm not afraid to get old...yet. I'm only 27, so it'll happen sometime, I'm sure. I've finally started noticing a few gray hairs (luckily, since I'm brown-haired, they look kinda blonde). I'm going to try and hold off on dyeing them, because I know what it can do to hair. I've always been told I look young, so maybe it'll work in my favor. It has for my mom. She's 52 and looks 40.

We should all stop caring about looking young forever. I think we'd be a lot happier in the end.

Kimberly said...

Be thankful that you have hair! I've been steadily losing hair since about 19, now my hair is so thin I think about joining the hairclub for men/women. It still doesnt stop me from the whole drying/flat iron saga though, I mean I dont want to look ugly! lol!
I'd pick incontinent over bald any day!

Harlene said...

Forget what Clinton and Stacy say, if your ankles are what's working, wear those capris!

I still laugh at potty jokes too, it's from being surrounded by boys! I also get the giggles in yoga class, very immmature!

My kids often tell me how much better I look now that I'm old and full figured!

stefanie said...

Argggh. I try to avoid mirrors.

You keep making me laugh so much, I am going to get the smile lines that look like frown lines too. Wait, I already have them.