Friday, February 20, 2009

I Fought the Law and the Law Won

Oh man, I've really done it this time. My negligence and defiance of basic state law, coupled with sheer stupidity and complete loss of all common sense has landed me in quite a pickle. It's only a matter of time before Federal Agents appear at my door to escort me to The Pen, never to see my family again (I guess there really is a bright side to every story).

It is the perfect storm... a convergence of individual events causing one really spectacular mess (and maybe a casualty or two, before this is all over). Here we go...

So you all know my driver's license has been expired. Since May (I know, I know). Well, I went to the post office to apply for a passport, and the guy points out to me (duh) that my license has expired. Let's call this Red Flag #1 (RF#1). I asked if he thought it would be a problem and he assured me that it would not be, as he has processed many applications with expired licenses. Although hesitant, my laziness and hatred of the DMV won, and I proceeded. I then handed over my birth certificate, which would have to be mailed in with my application. Since I was going to be without my birth certificate for a couple of weeks, I asked again if he thought it would be fine. This time, his story was more ambiguous. "Ma'am, all I do is write down the information you give me... It is up to them," (Hello? RF#2). Either feeling extremely optimistic or perhaps having lapsed into complete denial, I happily paid my $135 for expedited service and left.

Well, well, well... Later that day, my husband and I took the kids to turn in their applications. Both parents have to be present and both have to sign something saying we won't kidnap our own children (no thank you), or something like that. So the guy (different guy) asks for my ID and I innocently hand over my license. He takes a look at it, starts to laugh this crazy, mean, very upsetting laugh, and tells me he can't accept my license, since it has expired (RF#3). So of course, I launch into this whole big thing, thinking surely I can convince him otherwise, and ultimately get my way. He doesn't budge. In fact, at this point, he is kind of acting like I am trying to pull a fast one (which I guess I am), and am some sort of criminal (which I guess I am). 

Suddenly, the consequences of my actions and inactions are crystallizing in my head. My boys can't get their passports until I either get my passport or get my driver's license renewed. I can't go get my driver's license renewed because I need to have my original birth certificate, and that, my friends, IS ON ITS WAY TO THE STATE DEPARTMENT.  So the more desperate I become, the angrier I get at the guy, which is my typical M.O. (not very mature, I admit). I grab all the paperwork, give the guy a dirty look, leave him with some completely ridiculous words of advice to ponder, and march out (my family had long since headed to the car).

So now it is a month until our vacation for which we will need our passports. And instead of learning an important lesson and perhaps calling the Passport Agency to explain my situation and beg for mercy and assistance, I am busy scheming how to circumvent the system. Will I ever learn? I am just worried that if I call attention to the fact that I have submitted my application with an expired license, they will reject it and I will have to start all over again. If I keep my mouth shut, maybe they won't notice or won't care, I can get my passport, then quickly get the boys'.

My husband keeps trying to point out that my anger is totally misplaced, and perhaps I should be shouldering some of the responsibility for the "situation". He also is promising to send lots of postcards to us from the vacation he will be taking alone. Remind me to never speak to him again.

So I am still driving around with my stupid expired license and a brake light out. It is only a matter of time, people. Only a matter of time. I guess the good news is if I do end up in jail, perhaps I can get to the bottom of this Casey Anthony mess.


43 comments:

{Katie Lane} said...

That sucks. Good luck!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

Wow....remind me not to get on your bad side! Im the opposite, I worry myself silly making sure everything is done so we dont have last minute issues like this one. I DO hope it all works out, and no police action is needed *wink*....btw, where are you headed on vacation??

Under the Influence said...

Ok, here it goes:

Good God, woman, get another original of your birth certicate. It should only take about a week to ten days and depending on where you were born, you can order these and pay online. That will be faster than waiting for your original.

Are you going to have to take the driving test over since you waited almost a year to renew your license? Yikes.

Where are you going for vacation? My passport is current and I could meet up with your family in your absence!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Oh how I adore misplaced anger!!

And oh how I wish I could help you out of this pickle. Didn't Obama already rescind all those pesky Bush Patriot Laws?

Bet that passport shows up in your mailbox by the end of next week. Seriously, no questions asked.

You can always come to Texas for Spring Break - we don't require a passport. That is until we secede, which honestly, should be any day now...

Ron said...

see .. I know this story ,,

I moved from one state to another .. in the transfer of information, the birthdate on my license went from 1957 to 1950 .. no biggie .. I would fix it when it was time to renew (sharing your aversion to the DMV) .. before this happened, I inadvertently ran a red light .. 140 miles from home .. cops .. the words "Fake" came up .. car impounded .. supposed to be arrested .. etc .. etc ..

Long story short .. the DMV apologized .. paid the impound on the car .. tickets dismissed .. sued the state for lost wages and WON !

Still ..

oh yeah .. I am a visitor for JillJill's blog

namaste said...

Oh lord, this is quite a pickle you've gotten yourself into love. But it will be just fine. I imagine your passport and birth certificate is on it's way to your mailbox as we speak. But, thanks for the story because I've lost my license somewhere and have been putting that off.... I think I'll go take care of that now based on your post! Oh, love that your husband is offering to send postcards..... nice! kick his ass. lol.

Tabitha in Bliss said...

This is indeed a pickle, but I'm sure there's a way to fix it.

Straight to Your Hart said...

K-the tail-light is taking it to far lady!

Well I like a good pickle. It adds flavor to anything. I think they follow me most days...stalkers.

Where is this passport needed?

I wish they would ask for the rights to the baby of the family because I keep her pretty up to date!

All funny aside...hope you can connive a plan, I mean come to a happy conclusion. Hugs..

Call Me Cate said...

Oh no, what a mess. I'd look into getting another copy of your birth certificate. It won't hurt to have it around and if it happens to come before your passport, you can get to the DMV for the new license and start on the kids' passport applications.

Beadiful Things said...

Red tape sucks.

jill jill bo bill said...

Can you not get another license online? They let us do that here. Same picture and info. Took 2 weeks.

Also, you could tell them at the DMV that you lost you birth cert in a fire. We have to show bills addressed to us.
SS card?
How about you dye your hair red and I will mail you my passport and my unexpired license with my old address. You may have to gain about 35 lbs or just tell them you had gastric bypass.

Tony@ That One Paticular Harbor said...

1- I love the new header. now down to business.

OMG, LMMFAO. I state this fact at least twice a week around here. "Procrastination is the close cousin of Karma. eventually it like a bookie will come for payment in full."
I hate the DMV as much as anyone, but I hate being turned away like an illegal alien more. especially when I pay my damn taxes in this country so I can bail out every Tom , Dick and Harry, but can't buy a new car or even get some love on getting a new driver's license. duck tape that back light which is out. That will help. LOL

angi_b72 said...

Oh that so sucks!! Don't you hate it when people procrastinate? haha....i ama HUGE procrastinator!

Jenn@mylifewiththecrazies said...

Laughing my ass off right now... this totally sucks! Cant you order a new BC? I jsut got a new one for my son... (lost his in one of our moves) and it was real quick... 3 days to come in. Then run to DMV for license.. ( course that might take you a month there if your DMV is anything like ours! )Good luck!

♥georgie♥ said...

Oh MY!!!! LOL...this is soooo something that would happen to me...except I would have already gotten a ticket and been thrown in the pokey

jori-o said...

Good grief. Sounds like you need to find a BFF who works at the DMV or the post office, pronto. Or maybe you should just cover all your bases and cozy up with the Governor??

Tenakim said...

OMG-my head is spinning from reading this! Good luck! Say hi to Amy when you're in the joint.

Juls said...

I will volunteer to keep the boys for you during your stunt in prison. We always wanted some boys! hee hee.. Seriously, this so sounds like something I would do

Joy said...

Girl my dad was convinced I was going to jail since I was also driving on an expired license for 3mths he would ask me eveyday-serioulsy everyday why I hadn't gone to get my license-well maybe because I have this little thing called 2 kids plus one I keep everyday that isn't even mine!

So when I finally did break down and go get it I wasted 2hrs of my life that I will NEVER get back.

Oh and you should be able to get a copy of your birth certificate at your local health department! I went a couple of weeks ago paid $8 or something and got my hubs for him since neither of his parents had a copy and he needed it to submit with his handgun carry permit.

CaJoh said...

I guess every state is different. I think that we just have to show proof of address and perhaps your social security card to prove who you are. Of course I never had mine expire as long as yours so it may be different in your case.

Lee of MWOB said...

Really since when do you have to show your birth certificate to the DMV??? Really? Isn't everything all computerized from the last time you got a license. I don't get it. I'm sure it was in there but I'm confused somewhere along the way.

But UTI is right - get an expedited birth certificate. We had to do that with one of our kids on a spontaneous international trip we took so we could get her passport. It's not that expensive and is fast. Do that just so you're covered.

And if not, I'm sure you'll figure out another way.

And where are you going?????

Kristina P. said...

I have my license renewal form sitting right here in front of me. I will renew today. This scares me.

Alison said...

Wow. Really good read! Thanks for sharing...we've all been there in one way or another. I hope it all works out! :)

Found your blog through another on SITS! :)

Bee and Rose said...

Whew! I am feeling so much better about my day now! lol!

I would try "Under the Influence's" idea...new copy of bc..etc...

There's gotta be a silver lining in here somewhere, right??? And when you find it, post about it and then we can all breathe a sigh of relief!

Hang in there and here are a few big hugs to tide ya over!

angie said...

OK. YOu need to go to the county records department and get a new copy of your birth certificate. And then go back to the DMV. Time is not on your side, girl. I'm in the same pickle. Mexico vacation. One month. Except I never got the twins birth certificates. So, I had to go stand in line for one.......pain in the rear. And now back to the post office for pass ports. HUGS!

dana wyzard said...

You can go to the Health Department and get another birth certificate. DO IT NOW and go get your driver's license!

If I'm ever asked for MY birth certificate, I'll have to carry in a piece of the cave wall where dad chiseled in *!#&^%&$ on the day I was born. That means July 100,000,003 BC. Or so mom said.

Brenda Jean said...

Oh my Deb...that is too funny-- okay, maybe not funny, but I laugh because this is SOOOOOO what would happen to me. I'm not joking. I cannot tell you how many times I'm late on renewing my plates or my license. I can't help myself. Somehow I know it will workout. See, you are just flying by the seat of your pants, as the saying goes. I just know it will work out but not til the LAST minute.

Debbie said...

There are some fascinating politicians and other people in jail now. Maybe you can get an adjoining cell.

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

Ugh! That totally sucks.

Here in California you don't need your birth certificate to renew your drivers license. You just need your old drivers license.

Soxy Deb said...

I can't believe there is nothing else you can use, as a form of ID, that will allow you to renew your license. That truly sucks.

But I have to tell you, I agree with the hubby on this one Deb. I love ya and all, but you should never have allowed it to go this far. Good luck darlin.

I hope it all works out, but if not, tell him my name is Deb too and I got nothing going on that would inhibit me from going on vacation with him.
The things I do for you.

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

here is a bit of advice in hindsight - HAVE two certified birth certificates! Always!!(don't slap the messenger)

Gina Chen said...

Hope you get to enjoy your vacation with your family.

Passport woes are a pain, and I think the first guy should have told you that it wouldn't work with an expired license.

Plus, it was mean of the second guy to laugh.

Good luck.

Harlene said...

Oh dear sweetheart, where to start?

Well I agree with the others, get another copy if your birth certificate, then read my post about my latest trip to the DMV. You will then be prepared to go to the DMV and mess with their heads. I did go ballistic once because they wouldn't let me use my expired license as proof of identity. As if I was no longer me? Whatever!

Now as for the going to prison fantasy, I used to joke about that one all the time. An armed guard protecting from my children, only one toilet to clean, cable tv and lots of time alone, until it happened!

Have I never mentioned the time I got arrested on the front steps of my sons middle school at drop off in the morning? Really? That post will be coming soon.

Missy said...

I have people! For a case of beer and a couple cartons of cigs, they can "solve your problem!" Or, you could borrow mine! LOL

Coachdad said...

Great story...I love your blog! Not sure how I found it. Good luck with the passport situation!

Young Momma said...

Oh my! You've gotten yourself in quite the situation. However, it obviously isn't your fault. DOn't people understand the things us moms go through?? We don't have time to get new licenses!!! Or pick up scantrons for tests... or.. study... wait, those are my issues. Anyway... I think you should try to get another original of your birth certificate. I know here in CA there is an office I go to and order/pay and then go back a week or so later and pick it up. It'll probably be the fastest way to do it all. And for all sake, go get your license renewed!!!! lol

stefanie said...

Oh, boy....

Beth said...

Can you not request a new birth certificate?

And I've always had a thing for rebels. If you end up in the slammer, let us know and we'll come visit on Saturdays.

Lindsay said...

Will you have to retake your driver's test to get your license renewed? If so, that would suck....

I have a feeling you're not going to be able to stick it to the man this time, at least not if you want to go on your vacation as a family.

Jenners said...

Oh...you are playing with fire, Missy! Can't your husband be the only one to sign off on the boys' passports so they can at least get their passports in time? There are tons of single parent families so this must be allowed. I hope you'll have Internet access in jail ... I'd hate for your blog to go dormant while you do your time.

Good luck ... I sure hope you don't miss your vacation. That would SUCK big time. And never ever trust the guys behind the counter. They don't care about you in the least.

Jenni Jiggety said...

No worries! If you wind up in the slammer, we will start a facebook petiton to free you.

Sera said...

DANG it. If only this had happened a couple years back and you got thrown in the slammer with Martha Stewart. Then you could get out, write blog posts about your experience, and tell us exactly what kind of crack it is that she puts in her recipes to make her have such a calm attitude and freaky smile all the time. I hope it works out. Seems like some silly hoops to have to jump through.

ed said...

情趣用品,情趣,情色,成人,A片,自拍,情趣用品,情趣,色情,成人影片,色情影片,免費A片,情趣用品,情趣,成人網站,A片下載,日本AV,做愛,情趣用品,情趣,美女交友,A片,辣妹視訊,情色視訊,情趣用品,情趣,色情聊天室,聊天室,AV,成人電影,A片,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣商品,情趣,情趣情色,A片,AIO,AV,日本AV,色情A片,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,A片下載,情色A片,哈啦聊天室,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,色情聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080視訊聊天室,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,免費視訊聊天,上班族聊天室,080中部人聊天室,視訊聊天室,視訊聊天,成人聊天室,一夜情聊天室,辣妹視訊,情色視訊,成人,成人影片,成人光碟,成人影城,自拍情趣用品,A片,AIO,AV,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,日本AV,寄情築園小遊戲,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色文學,色情,色情遊戲,一葉情貼圖片區,色情網站,色情影片,微風成人, 嘟嘟成人網,成人,成人貼圖,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人影片,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,080視訊聊天室,視訊聊天室情趣用品,A片,aio,av,av女優,a漫,免費a片,aio交友愛情館,a片免費看,a片下載,本土自拍,自拍,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色文學,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,色情遊戲,嘟嘟情人色網,一葉情貼圖片區,色情影片,情色網,色情網站,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人小說,成人電影情趣用品,情趣,情趣商品,自拍,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,哈啦聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,H漫,A片,AV,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色小說,情色文學,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,色情遊戲,SEX,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人圖片區情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣商品,A片,A片,A片,A片,A片,A片,中古車,二手車,情色小說,色情,情色視訊,寄情築園小遊戲,AIO交友愛情館,色情遊戲,情色交友,嘟嘟情人色網,言情小說,一葉情貼圖片區,情色論壇,色情影片,情色網,色情漫畫,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,哈啦聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,視訊聊天室,080聊天室,視訊聊天,美女交友,視訊做愛,情色視訊,免費視訊A片,A片,A片下載,做愛,成人電影,18成人,日本A片,情色小說,情色電影,成人影城,自拍,情色論壇,成人論壇,情色貼圖,情色,免費A片,成人,成人光碟