Friday, March 20, 2009

1st Annual Swap Meet

I am organizing an activity that will hopefully be such a huge and overwhelming success, that it becomes a yearly event. Let's call it The Dirty Socks & Pizza Annual Swap Meet and Picnic. Since I can't stand having people in my home, I will have to scout out a proper venue for the big day. Maybe the National Mall? Everyone knows where that is, and you can all go be patriotic and/or complain to your ego-driven, corrupt, tele-evangelist, fiscally irresponsible lawmakers while you're here (I'll handle Dodd)! Maybe if I can get my act together quickly enough, it'll be held next month when all the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. Be sure to bring your cameras, Zyrtec and Patanol (I only have enough for me, and refuse to share). Admittance will be free (aren't I nice?) and a picnic lunch will be provided (you can bet if I am hosting, food will be a large part of the event).

Let's see, what else? Oh, I guess you'll need to know what items to bring for the swap. Unfortunately, this is not your typical flea market or junk swap. The focus of the swap is rather narrow... specifically, children. Yep, that's right. Kids. Any and all. Teens, babies, toddlers... Even the dreaded tweens are welcome for swapping. There will be no pre-screening required nor will there be any sort of dress code or behavioral guidelines. Anything goes. However, in an effort to successfully swap your child, you may want to bring proof of citizenship and dental records.

I will have both of my boys available to swap. My 15 y.o. has excellent teeth that won't require braces. The 12 y.o. can play music by ear and writes poetry. If you bathe them regularly, the smell should subside. Oh, and unfortunately, I seemed to have misplaced their report cards. Sorry. They do, however, have current passports and are ready for international travel. Feel free to take them far, far away. In turn, I will be looking for a 24 y.o. accountant that likes bagel bites and pop tarts and is making enough money to live on his own (and possibly support his new parents).

Further information on date and time of the swap: TBA.

33 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Hmmmm, I think that the parents I work with really take this idea to heart. They love to swap their kids and leave them at my center and tell me they are never coming back.

But they don't actually take anyone else's kids.

Bee and Rose said...

Yep, I am so there...especially considering how my day is going..

I was actually thinking about posting an adoption notice but I do like the swap idea...especially since there's food involved...

Summer said...

I have just the kid.

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

I love the idea....where do we sign up??

Tabitha in Bliss said...

LOL!!

Soxy Deb said...

Well now this leaves me out. Mine are too old and would know what was going on before I had a chance to pack them up in someone else's station wagon claiming it was "just a visit". They'd never fall for it.
But on the plus side, they are both old enough to legally purchase liquor. Ahhh, the real reason I had kids...

Under the Influence said...

As long as I can swap for a child who has a trust fund and/or all college paid for, I'm in!

Tony@ That One Paticular Harbor said...

I think you need to go grab my button. "I've Officially Lost My Mind." That is so funny. What can I bring? I got it.. Brownies... Yeah funny ones.. and have Soxy Deb bring the liquor, we are set.

CaJoh said...

Clever. Don't have any kids to swap— they're all grown now, but love the idea.

Lee of MWOB said...

Deb, that porn shoot did your blogging brain some real good... That is friggin' hilarity and basic creative genius!!!

Kid swap?? Not today for me... my lil' guy and I are head over heels in love right now but if your boys are done with boob sucking, I may reconsider my stance.

jori-o said...

Oh, Heavens, this is BRILLIANT! The best thing my kid can do lately is disinfect himself (read all about it at my place...oy vey).

Jenn@mylifewiththecrazies said...

I have a 9 yr old darling little "Hannah Montana".. beautiful singing voice! Just be sure to give her the meds every morning.. LOL.. in return I am looking for a 17 yr old Edward Cullen vampire look-a-like... fangs optional LOL

Tenakim said...

this is perfect for me! Someone is really going to think they hit the jackpot with my 'pretty' kids- little will they know, that they are just as nuts as me- Mwahahaha

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

I'm afraid that whoever got my kids would sue for emotional damages after a couple of days.

Young Momma said...

I started reading this thinking "Wait... she's what??" then kept reading.. "Oh, the kids.... DUH" Wow I'm slow today. LMAO

Sheri and George said...

Love this idea, however it's a few years too late for me to get any good out of it. My kids are grown and have families of their own. Can I swap grandkids? Altho I have a 30 y/o son who is being a pain in the ass lately- is there and age limit to this swap? I'll bring the booze to go with the picnic.

Eudae-Mamia said...

Today - you can just have the 6-year-old. But the 3-year-old is just broken in and all snuggly lovey again.

Check back with me in a week.

(and a porn shoot!? What the hell did I miss while on Spring Break?!)

Beadiful Things said...

It's a deal. I'll take yours and you take mine. Yours only have a few years to go before I can kick them out, but you'll be stuck with mine for at least 15 more years. Muhahahahahahaa!

Harlene said...

I will actually be on the East Coast in May, if you can wait that long. I'll let you have the first pick of my brood or all if you'd like!

blueviolet said...

I just got mine out of the house. I certainly don't want any back!

dana said...

Sorry to use your comment area as an email but my email service went down:

I've used 7 hours just uploading a 5 minute (if that) video! Then my pc went to sleep and I lost it.

What settings, speed, pixels, whatever, do you use? Or do you also have to wait 7 hours???? HELP!!!!

Juls said...

Hee hee! Count me totally in. I have "TWEEN" girls...so I hope there are some takers out there somewhere, oh please, oh please..

Jenners said...

Hot damn ... I'm in. I'm looking for a kid who doesn't get up at 5:30 am, will eat anything served for dinner and will go to the movies.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

What an awesome idea.

Are there age limits? I mean, what about a 28 year old good looking young man who doesn't quite know what he wants to do with his life??

Sera said...

Ok, what happened at your house today before you wrote this? Fess up! Seriously. This was genius. The title got me and I kept trying to guess what you might talk about. This is real good. I think you're great and all, but I'm only willing to swap mine if she wakes up at 2:30 a.m. - can I show up then?

angie said...

My kids are passport ready too. If you find anyone that wants younger kids, let me know. j/k. Totally loved this post.

stefanie said...

Ah, I got all excited, then I realized I would have to LEAVE with as many as I BROUGHT.

How about a picnic on the Mall anyway?

Patanol blurs my vision, especially at night. I get these really cool effects from the street lights.

Beth said...

Cool! What kind of food are you bringing? :)

MoziEsmé said...

Passports are definitely in their favor - I insist on mine being able to travel far and wide! Mine is snot-nosed at the moment - is she still swappable?

Straight to Your Hart said...

No swappin for me..just take em-instead of a passport just stick them in a trunk of sorts as cargo...giggling (k-they have the day off today for "teacher quality" day WTH?)..so the sssstop it, quiT IT, ssstop hitting me, sssstop spitting on me, doooon't touch me...is filling my love (pulling out hair) bucket!

Brenda Jean said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh man, I would swap you, but then you'd end up with my 14 and 15 year old and we wouldn't be friends anymore. I'm there for the food though, and I think your weather is WAY better than mine.

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

HA HA - I'll keep mine - thank you very much!

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