1st Annual Swap Meet

I am organizing an activity that will hopefully be such a huge and overwhelming success, that it becomes a yearly event. Let's call it The Dirty Socks & Pizza Annual Swap Meet and Picnic. Since I can't stand having people in my home, I will have to scout out a proper venue for the big day. Maybe the National Mall? Everyone knows where that is, and you can all go be patriotic and/or complain to your ego-driven, corrupt, tele-evangelist, fiscally irresponsible lawmakers while you're here (I'll handle Dodd)! Maybe if I can get my act together quickly enough, it'll be held next month when all the cherry blossoms are in full bloom. Be sure to bring your cameras, Zyrtec and Patanol (I only have enough for me, and refuse to share). Admittance will be free (aren't I nice?) and a picnic lunch will be provided (you can bet if I am hosting, food will be a large part of the event).

Let's see, what else? Oh, I guess you'll need to know what items to bring for the swap. Unfortunately, this is not your typical flea market or junk swap. The focus of the swap is rather narrow... specifically, children. Yep, that's right. Kids. Any and all. Teens, babies, toddlers... Even the dreaded tweens are welcome for swapping. There will be no pre-screening required nor will there be any sort of dress code or behavioral guidelines. Anything goes. However, in an effort to successfully swap your child, you may want to bring proof of citizenship and dental records.

I will have both of my boys available to swap. My 15 y.o. has excellent teeth that won't require braces. The 12 y.o. can play music by ear and writes poetry. If you bathe them regularly, the smell should subside. Oh, and unfortunately, I seemed to have misplaced their report cards. Sorry. They do, however, have current passports and are ready for international travel. Feel free to take them far, far away. In turn, I will be looking for a 24 y.o. accountant that likes bagel bites and pop tarts and is making enough money to live on his own (and possibly support his new parents).

Further information on date and time of the swap: TBA.