The Sordid Truth

You people give me way too much credit. It is very sweet that you are so willing to bestow upon me the benefit of the doubt... My absence being due to a busy life, and what not. Well, congratulations... You're all 0 for 1.

Let's examine what I have been doing/have accomplished since my last post (and not the guilty rambling one, and not the Mission:Monday one, which is really Jay posing as me), roughly a week ago.

1) Trying to nurse the lizard back to health. And no, this is not an euphemism for something inappropriate. I literally have been providing hospice care for my son's sick leopard gecko. Gently dropping tiny bits of water on his parched mouth... Fervently waving mealworms in front of him, while trying to suppress my gag reflex... Rearranging his little rocks. Surely the end is near. I really can't take much more "caregiving". 

2) Observing my hair at various stages of cleanliness, preparing to lay out a thoughtful, well-balanced argument for cutting my hair. Or for NOT cutting it. 

3) Feeding my family Taco Bell every chance I get. 

4) Indiscriminately eating obscene amounts of sugar. I have become a sugar slut... Shoving pop-tarts (UN-toasted, no less) and zebra cakes down my gullet, washing them down with whole milk (because I have run out of skim, yet can't seem to find the time to get to the store).

And now, a three day swim meet looms large... So I will go sit in a hot, chlorine-filled facility with 900 of my closest annoying friends, listening to them live vicariously through their children. They will go on and on about how hard their kids train, their kids' special suits, their kids' special diets, and their kids' special specialness, while my child may or may not sink to the bottom of the pool. I am crossing my fingers that my People and US Weekly are waiting in my mailbox, so I can stick my nose in them and ignore the world. Oh, and I should probably charge my iPod.