Thursday, December 10, 2009

My Brain is Fried

The weird thing about my relationship with french fries is I don't absolutely love them. Given the amount of time and brain power I dedicated to them yesterday, you'd think they'd be at the top of my fave foods list (sidebar: that would be thin crust cheese pizza from Vocelli's and Breyer's cookies & cream ice cream). I mean, I like them, and everything, and I certainly never order my burger sans fries, but I don't really obsess about them, like I do other foods (such as: thin crust cheese pizza from Vocelli's and Breyer's cookies & cream ice cream).

In other, marginally related news, I have become a shopping addict.

So, after what is now apparently my daily crazy, overstimulating, expensive trip to Bed Bath & Beyond, I was famished. I made a quick drive through Wendy's, which is, by no means, my preferred choice of fast food, but I was fairly desperate. The burger (with cheese, cut the lettuce and pickles) was a necessity. The fries? Well, why the heck not?

I found myself doing what I always do when eating fast food in the car. Burger sat half unwrapped in my lap, while the fries remained in the bag, which was resting on the console, for easy access. As I drove, I started to think about the deliciousness of the food I was eating. The burger was gone before I could render an accurate verdict, which left me alone with the fries...

The first step was purely tactile. I reached blindly into the bag (I was driving, after all) and began to feel each individual fry. The ones that were shorter than, let's say, 1.5 inches were immediately discarded. The next to go were those that came to a point on either end. The only fries to make it to phase two were those long, luscious, perfectly rectangular specimens.

Which was followed by the visual examination. Any green or black discoloration was grounds for immediate disqualification. If I overlooked any hard or too pointy fries during the touch test, I got rid of those.

What I was left with was the cream of the crop. My mouth is watering right now, just thinking back to those golden, soft but crispy, little gems.

So anyway, back to yesterday. I was munching my way back towards home, with a trunk full of Beyond, when I had to quickly throw on my brakes (Hmm... distracted much?). The carefully screened fries went flying. I managed to bend down and reach most of them, but I saw that, much to my dismay, the fry that I had been saving for last (we're talking at least 3 inches and not a flaw to be found) had landed under the gas pedal. The three second rule, along with the red light, came and went in a flash. I gnawed on my bottom lip all the way home, trying to decide if I had really sunk low enough to want to still eat that fry.

Trust me, you don't want to know how this ends...


Jenners said...


But I don't blame you. Careful screening work like that cannot be tossed aside lightly.

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

I eat fries. But they are not a favorite of mine. I could go the rest of my life without another one. So that french fry under your gas pedal would not be part of my lunch. BUT if it were chocolate....I would TOTALLY eat it!

Wendyburd1 said...

It is a 5 second rule in this house. You are so funny, I loved this post!

Harlene said...

I adore you!

Under the Influence said...

I would have so eaten that fry (and I suspect you did, too!). I have never met a fry I didn't like, well, I mean LOVE!

Nobody's Girl said...

I'm just shocked the burger was eaten before the fries. Proof that you are NOT a fries addict after all. :)

Tenakim said...

you better not have wasted that fry- not in this economy.

Heather of the EO said...

That was hilarious. Love this post. I do this sort of thing with fries. I really do. (Except that floor one...I don't eat the floor one)

Tony@ That One Paticular Harbor said...

Nice effort. MMMMM fries.. crispy ones with special frie sauce, mmmmm. Curses now I want them. Becarrful please. Friends don't let friends drive fried.

Anonymous said...

Hi !.
You re, I guess , perhaps very interested to know how one can make real money .
There is no need to invest much at first. You may commense to get income with as small sum of money as 20-100 dollars.

AimTrust is what you need
The firm represents an offshore structure with advanced asset management technologies in production and delivery of pipes for oil and gas.

Its head office is in Panama with structures around the world.
Do you want to become really rich in short time?
That`s your chance That`s what you wish in the long run!

I feel good, I started to take up income with the help of this company,
and I invite you to do the same. If it gets down to choose a correct companion who uses your savings in a right way - that`s the AimTrust!.
I take now up to 2G every day, and my first investment was 500 dollars only!
It`s easy to join , just click this link
and lucky you`re! Let`s take our chance together to feel the smell of real money

Anonymous said...

Hi Deb,

My family and I are having a raffle to raise funds toward postage for our gift bag mission. We hope you will drop by and take a chance to win two awesome gifts!

Postage Raffle Drive

♥Georgie♥ said...

LMAO OMGosh Deb you crack me up! I must admit you had me trying to scratch and sniff my screen now I am starving!

Em said...

I LOVE Wendy's fries! Especially with cold ketchup - yum.

Next time, splurge for the frosty - then you can just dunk the "dirty" fries in the creamy chocolate treat - who the hell cares about the germs then?

Summer said...

Oh my gosh...

I just fell more in love you than I already am.

I would stoop so low. Literally. =)