Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Past Due

I've been more than a little fascinated lately by the life-cycle of the blog. Oh, you didn't know there's such a thing? Ah, but there is... and if you look closely, you, too, can easily identify the various stages, and their inherent characteristics. It doesn't take a scientist (which is good, because I ain't one) to figure it out. I won't bore you with the whole explanation, because it has been discussed by bloggers big and small around here.

Now, what is intriguing is how most blogs seem to stall at the cocoon spinning phase, and either just crawl around as a perpetual caterpillar, hungry for comments and approval, or feel the need to change, begin to spin its cozy transformational bed, but then kind of just fall off the tree, never to be heard from again. Rare is the blog that truly undergoes the somewhat painful metamorphosis and grows its gorgeous wings. And the simple reason why?

Fear.

Fear of "letting down readers".

Fear of sounding stupid.

Fear of being boring.

Fear of saying what you actually mean and being judged a bitch. Or uncool. Or unenlightened. Or ungreen. Or just plain mean. And who wants to be considered mean?

Well, that's all going to change. At least around here. I freely admit that I have been guilty of some serious self-censoring, and I don't like it. My one purpose for starting my blog was to, for once in my life, be truly authentic. To just be me. To say what I want to say. Embrace what I really feel. To write about what is inside of me, instead of continuing to portray a character that people around me expect and enjoy, at the expense of my soul.

And if people don't like it, and suddenly I am alone? Well, at least my one constant companion will be a lot easier to look in the eye.

So if you're up for saying what you mean, without fear of being thought of as mean, with no regard to obligation or perception, grab a button (stage left), and... well... say what you mean! Even if it's silly, boring, controversial, sad, happy, upsetting or confusing, if you feel it in your heart, it is worth being read, comments be damned!

Finally, I have to give a big shout out to my pal, Em, who heard my heart, helped me figure out what I was feeling, and then grabbed my hand and jumped off of this bridge with me. And while she was busy taking care of me, she found the time to design that cool button that says it all.

31 comments:

Em said...

LOVE the butterfly analogy!

So true.

Let it fly girl - you know I'll read it. (And per usual, wish I wrote it.)

Susan Berlien (warmchocmilk) said...

I get it. So this say what you mean is going to be your new blog. Are you still going to write here? I see life cycles of blogs around me...but I'm not sure where I'm at. I guess I'm just new and growing and finding out what my blog is.

Lovin Lane said...

All how refreshing it always is to read your blogs... I have truely been Karazy busy with yeah, those things we call off spring and if a week goes by and I get back on I always have to catch up on your blog, so this week busy blogging you were... Thanks, I always enjoy it.... As for Sordid - Teens are really a different being, I am surprised I have made it this far.. Senior, Junior, and Sophmore and still alive (not sure how) but thanks for your honestly.... We ALL live it and go through all the awesome, trying, embarrassing, testing times with teens, difference is only a few are brave enough to admit to it and tell about it lol... Thanks for being you, its what I love about all your blogging....

Joy said...

I hear ya. I find myself holding back alot on my blog mainly because of those who I know read it. some days I want to make a private one just to get out all those other thoughts I want to put out there.

Tenakim said...

I think you are a scientist. It's fascinating , I agree. I am a bitch. I am mean. I get that. The only thing I hold back on is stuff about my husband- boy- I could realy let loose!

You go girl! I can't wait to hear you vent. And if I didn't just switch to Wordpress and I had ANY fricking clue how to put that button on my site, I totally would, but I am a loser!

Anonymous said...

Way to go Deb. YOu have had my back more than once and I have yours.

Navywife

♥georgie♥ said...

BEAUTIFUL!

Nel said...

Couldn't agree with you more! I vow to stop censoring myself....right NOW.

We jumped on the bandwagon and added the sticker to our page.

FYI, I'm loving your blog.

Kristina P. said...

I think it depends on what you are censoring. I do think there are things that need to be censored, for obvious reasons, like blogging about work.

I also will not air dirty laundry about other people on my blog. Won't do it.

But I do think you need your authentic voice on your blog as well.

Heather of the EO said...

I love the analogy.

And of course I completely get what you're saying.

ROCK ON.

michelle said...

It only took a few posts before I realized I was considering the readers rather than just writing what I wanted. I notice when I loose followers, then I reconsider dropping so many f bombs. Or I wonder if my humor regarding my kids will make me look like a bad mommy. Or if I state my opinion about our military engagements will I offend some very sweet sister bloggers. So, I'll try to be bwave. Thanks for the pep talk.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

AMEN, Deb! Seriously. I started my blog journey with the intention of using it as a spring board and free space to help me Evolve into the person I know I am/need to be/want to be and for some reason I have held myself back too.

Sera said...

And this is exactly why I missed you so much while you were on your break! I still remember your I'm a recovering meme addict post, and I have to admit I can join that club now. I was feeling pressure to come up with something brilliant to fit into one almost every day of the week, and it was losing it's fun. I'd also feel pressure to write more often, even if I really didn't have anything to say. I didn't want to - God forbid - LOSE readers. Now it doesn't matter so much. I've decided I'll do memes if I have something relevant, that means something to me, but not just so I can link up and participate, ya know? I feel so much better about blogging giving myself the freedom to write only when I feel like it, about things that I really feel the need to write about. As far as holding back, I'm trying to keep work stuff pretty basic and not too specific, just because of the nature of my job and privacy laws and such, and the other thing I won't do is vent about my husband or other people in a specific way - unless, of course - they're celebrities. Then they're fair game. Awesome thought-provoking post. Can't wait to hear more of your uncensored thoughts. :)

Sassy Britches said...

I love you. And Em too. Button grabbed.

Under the Influence said...

Let's see, I am sure I have been called a bitch, uncool and mean. Thank god, I've never been called ungreen because I don't think I could handle that. Oh, and most of these things have been said to my face. And they may or may not be true. I think I'll be just fine here.

Bee and Rose said...

Here! Here! I couldn't agree more! Love the button!

Summer said...

I am so behind you on this one....and I know I will continue to just love you more and more!!!

mama-face said...

I LOVE YOU.

Now if I can just get over my fear of EVERYTHING I will be all set.

(Just today I wrote a post whilst in the midst of a angry mood and have been wondering ever since who I might have offended; who might not want to follow me. Which makes me CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!! And the anger was directed towards an inanimate object, not even a person. And yet I'm still nervous.)

I'm grabbing the button and will look at it everyday before I post.

Brenda Jean said...

I'll keep reading, and I'll snag the button for my blog. It felt pretty good posting about mom guilt that day. I know I do exactly what you are talking about. My dad actually told me my blog was whiney. He apparently doesn't get the process of venting. Oh well.

Ginger said...

I love to read blogs that tell it like it is. I wish I could post that way without worrying about who is reading what I write.

Wendyburd1 said...

You go Deb! I will read, I like hearing that others feel NEGATIVE emotions like I do!! I would love to feel less alone!

jane said...

Susan at WarmChocolateMilk introduced me to you and I'm so glad she did! I love what you had to say about self censoring (or not!) Especially women are so concerned with being liked rather than being respected. I may not always agree with you but if you back up your opinion with careful thought, doggone it, I MUST respect you. Here's to sharing our authentic voices everywhere!

Missy said...

Saying what you mean can be dangerous~

Lee of MWOB said...

Oh I am very intrigued by Missy's comment .... and I love a little danger so bring on the saying what you mean around here. This blog is gonna explode!!!!

xoxo

Jenners said...

I like your analogy. And I do think there are definite stages to a blog too. To survive in the long run, you HAVE to be authentic and true to yourself or it will just die on the vine. Yay for you.

Jill said...

I am infamous in my small circle for being the girl who doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut. And it has never let me down! Sing it sister!

jill jill bo bill said...

OOOH!!! I am so excited!!! I am gone awhile and everyone nice has grown balls!! LOVE IT!!!! I am so in!!! Only don't mean to me. I am very sensitive. I have missed you like crazy!!!!

Harlene said...

I am tried and true, let it fly girlfriend.

BTW, you forgot to mention, the exhaustion phase or how about the overwhelmed and tired of whining about my life phase. I'm stuck right there, and just didn't want everyone in my "real" life to be all worried about me. Does that make sense?

I've missed you...

Lindsay said...

Don't forget another category: just becoming bored. I fell into that category with my own blog and have yet to pull (or try to pull) myself out of it. Maybe one day.

I'm looking forward to a more honest Deb!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I agree...I even posted something about this way back when.
Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I came upon your blog while browsing .. love your writing style!