Thursday, October 22, 2009

Hell.

I am not sure how to say this without sounding more unstable than I already seem, but sewing makes me want to jump off a bridge. And we're not talking the real stuff here, like clothes and decorative pillowcases, as I don't have a machine. That would render me completely catatonic. We're talking the little, "easy" stuff. Buttons? God help me. Darning? As if. Hemming? Laughable.

So imagine my surprise and reluctance (and terror) when I was presented with the "opportunity" to sew a patch onto Sweet Mr. Beans's fencing pants. I basically just stared in abject horror until my husband repeated, "He needs it on there by Saturday's tournament. He's gotta show his Club pride!"

Umm...

Well, here I am now, Thursday afternoon, taking a small break to hammer out my frustrations on the keyboard, because...

It took me literally two hours to pin it on, re-pin it on, re-re-pin it on, thread the needle, tie that stupid knot at the end of the thread that everybody claims is so essential, stick my finger, stick my finger again, and finally get the job done. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and so relieved it was over.

So, in walks my husband just now, and I leap up to show him my handiwork. He doesn't really smile. Rather, he looks confused and a bit frightened to say what he needs to tell me.

"It looks great, but you sewed it on the wrong side."

29 comments:

♥georgie♥ said...

OMGosh I am laughing so hard and when i quit laughing i am gonna tell you WHY I can laugh....................................................................................................
okay I can't sew a button on...seriously we have been known to throw away clothes okay DONATE clothes b/c my clan waited on me to sew a button on!

I♥You!!!

Lovin Lane said...

lol... laughing with you.. That is hilarious..

CaJoh said...

You better wipe off the keyboard of all that blood you have from sticking your finger so many times with a needle.

The best of skill to you (I'd wish you luck, but it doesn't appear that you are very lucky at the moment).

Kristina P. said...

Oh no!! So something I would do.

Brenda Jean said...

Oh, you have GOT to be kidding. Did you throw at him and say "Sew on the fricking patch yourself?" Or maybe that's just what my reaction would be. Sewing sucks. Seriously.

Belle said...

Oh nooo. That'll teach you... Next time you'll probably just take it to an alterations place eh? I took a little girl I babysit to gymnastics the other day, and during the class I watched as a mom sewed on a boy scout patch to a shirt... I was all, "who are you? Superwoman??"

Under the Influence said...

I SWEAR I am not laughing. Look at all of your other commenters, laughing at your anguish and pain. How inconsiderate. I gotta go now, I have some snickering to do.

Jenners said...

I laugh because I know. I know. I'm pathetic ... yet you should try the sewing machine. it is much easier than doing it by hand. Once you figure out how to thread the machine. The first time I tried, it took me over 2 hours to figure it out.

Michele Renee said...

I feel your pain. My kids grow into another pants size before I get around to sewing on a replacement button.

Sera said...

Oh, Deb - you poor thing! We share a mutual HATE for sewing. In 8th grade home ec my teacher finally just told me she thought my machine was possessed because I could never get anything right. I'm terrified of something as simple as a button as well. I can't believe after all you went through it was on the wrong side. Totally take that thing to a seamstress, girl.

michelle said...

Two words for you
Crazy
Glue

Quirkyloon said...

Ha!

I went through a similar dilemma when my son needed Cub Scout patches sewn on a shirt.

Then, to my relief and sanity, I learned you could just iron them on!

Whew!

kys said...

That's funny! The bad thing is that I have to sew patches on 2 scout shirts tomorrow. And it will take all day.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

This is hilarious!!!

mama-face said...

OKAY>>> this is it. We are related on some spooky netherworld level. Or maybe we just have A LOT in common. I started to hyperventilate reading this. And not in a good way.

I hate sewing; I cry if I am forced into a fabric shop. My poor son's scout patches literally hang by a thread, those that I actually took the time to sew; he has all kinds of other patches sitting on the counter waiting to be sewn and i want to gouge my eyes out just thinking about it. I have broken any sewing machine I've used; sometimes even before touching it.

HELL IS RIGHT!!!

Oh, yeah, I feel your pain.

Em said...

Holy Hell - girl, find yourself a good, cheap taylor.

Or look into Liquid Stitch.

NOW!!

P.S. doesn't your husband make a living "sewing?"

deb said...

You make me laugh, and my seriously hormonal self needed that today.
I actually love sewing, sorry,
but last night when I went downstairs and realized the kiddos had left the tv on...
well why are there 10 controllers and what do they all do? Makes me crazy. I managed to turn the volume down and shut off the lights and went to bed shaking in frustration. I almost threw them all in the trash, and if the tv wasn't so massive , it would have followed.

Summer said...

I don't sew. I don't cook. I rarely clean.

I'm just an all around domestic goddess. =)

So, ya....I relate.

sarah said...

haha too funny, but nice attempt!

Kim said...

LOL!!! Next time, send it to me.

Harlene said...

Kindred Spirits, and I have 4 boy scouts!

Velcro or glue gun.

Luv ya!

Soxy Deb said...

His death should not be swift.

jill jill bo bill said...

I did the same thing only with an iron-on patch.
Bastards. Can't they make tear-proof material??? Sheesh.

angie said...

Oh Deb. Do yourself a favor. Go online and but the iron on adhesive. I have the kind that is already cut into badge shapes. Sewing sends me over the edge. :)

Heather of the EO said...

Oh lady...this is SO something I would do. I cannot sew to save my life! My husband makes fun of me for not being able to sew on a button...but I really can't!

Sorry you got the wrong leg (but it IS really funny)

Ginger said...

I hate sewing too. I can do it, barely, but don't like it.
I think if I were you, I would be looking for the hot glue gun!!

Nel said...

Oh man Deb, that just made my heart hurt. Did you burn the patch and all of the sewing supplies?

Stupid domestic activities...

Tenakim said...

that's hilarious- so glad my mom likes to sew now! Saved me from another reason of crazy.

dana said...

My first plan when we go home permanently is to get rid of my sewing machine in its pretty oak cabinet. Yeah. I'm 900 miles away from home, and the SEWING machine is driving me nuts......GOTTA get rid of it. Just having it SET THERE, all innocent, is making me suicidal.