Friday, November 20, 2009

And So It Begins...

We've certainly already endured our fair share of 'grown up' problems here at our house. But yesterday seemed to usher in a new era, one in which the blinders are off, and things will never be the same, no matter what we try to do about it.

My father-in-law died. My husband's dad...the boys' grandfather. I look at the facts, and it really isn't shocking or, if I am being honest, terribly tragic. He was 90. It was peaceful. Life on this Earth, as he would want to continue living it, was over.

My husband is being strong and stoic. But I know he's feeling guilt and regret. But I also know that as seemingly destructive and useless as guilt and regret can be, he will transform it into something worthwhile... More time with his boys. More love shown to those around him now. Being a better father than he already is, if that is even possible. And while that is all good, I hate the weight he puts on his own shoulders.

And I also hate that this is just the beginning. One down, three more grandparents to go. It's inevitable, but it is still jarring. Watching my boys absorb the reality while remaining firmly entrenched in their teen lives of friends and games and homework and life. Should they be sadder? Are they too sad? Do they really get it? Should they really get it?

And while we pass through this final arc of but one great, honorable circle of life, I am humbled by all the other tragedy and heartbreak around us. On one hand, our problems feel so big sometimes, yet, it is very, very obvious that others have so much more to bear.

Why, then, are we always so blindsided by things like this? If it is everywhere, everyday, why are we not calloused and shielded? Do our souls regenerate with new life after each little piece is ripped away?

Who knows, I guess. I suppose our ultimate task is to persevere.

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength but by perseverance." ~H. Jackson Brown.

25 comments:

Life in the mom lane said...

I'm sorry to hear of your loss... My husband lost his dad 12 years ago and his mom 2 years ago. He told me that it is an indescribable feeling to know that your parents are gone forever. Our kids were 9, 7 and 4 when my father in law died so they don't remember him as much, but losing Jeff's mom was VERY hard on them. But kids are resilient...all three of my kids mourned their grandma's passing in very different ways. but I agree- it is very hard watching your kids try to deal with the reality of it all. Hang in there...your hubby will need you now more than ever.

jori-o said...

So sorry for your loss, Deb. Wow, you have a way with words, though. LOVE that quote at the end of your post.

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

♥georgie♥ said...

I am so emotional today...this post brought me to tears...I am sorry for your loss, will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers

Kristina P. said...

I'm so sorry, Deb. I think it's amazing he was the first of 4! I grew up also knowing all of my grandparents, and it was such a blessing.

Under the Influence said...

:(

Peace.

Tiaras said...

so sorry for your family's loss

Summer said...

i have experienced so much loss, and it never...ever gets easier.

I think we were created with so much love and hope, that it will always sting just a little.

Hang in there lady....thinking bout you...

CaJoh said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts and prayers during this time of grief.

My wife's father passed before I knew him and I was there when her mother passed a few years back. Perspectives do change when a loved one passes away. We cannot be totally callous to these things or else we would not know how to deal with the loss of someone close to you.

I know you'll be able to work though this as well.

Be good and take care,

AmyLK said...

So sorry for your loss. My prayers are with your family at this time.

Readeryoudon'tknow said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Sera said...

I'm so sorry, Deb. I'm not sure I could have articulated all that so well. It was so insightful - there's just so much to think about when a family member dies. It stirs up so many things. I'll be thinking about you guys. Big hugs.

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

My condolences! Our kids have 4 grandparents and I think daily of how blessed they are - and how one day, that part of their innocence ill be shattered!

May you and your kids take comfort in one another.

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

I am sorry for your loss Deb. Beautifully written post though... hang in there. Thoughts going out to you guys!

Ginger said...

I'm sorry for your loss. He sure lived a long life.
My son-in-law lost his dad in Sept. and it makes us wonder, who will be next. It's sad to think of it, but it's the circle of life, I suppose.

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Em said...

Oh Deb. No matter how the preperation or length of time spent on this good Earth, death never leaves a soul unscathed. You guys are in my thoughts.

Love, Em

Soxy Deb said...

It's never easy Deb. I'm so sorry for all of you.

♥georgie♥ said...

I am getting ready for Thanksgiving and family so i wanted to stop by and wish you a Happy Thanksgiving before things get really crazy!

Lindsay said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

I think that it's good that you still feel the pain DESPITE all that goes on in the world around us. It means that you haven't been so damaged by everything you can no longer feel anything.

Tenakim said...

I agree the loss never gets easier, but I like to think we learn to handle it and, as you say, perservere.

I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was 20, it was hard. The closer I was to them, of course, the more it hurts. But in that same breath, those are the ones that I got to spend more time with and enjoy.

My husband's dad died last year. The biggest effect on my kids was feeling sorry for their dad's loss, as they were not close to his dad.

My kids are VERY close to my parents and it will be devastating to lose them, but hopefully, they will be able to look back on memories like I do, instead of never having had them at all.

Lee of MWOB said...

What a perfect quote to end that post Deb. Wow.

I've been thinking of you guys a lot after your travels to say goodbye....

I hope your Thanksgiving was spent with all kinds of love swirling in your home and some peace for your man and just all of you...

Heather of the EO said...

What a beautifully written and thoughtful post, Deb.

I'm not going to forget that regenerating thing...our souls MUST do that. I just can't figure out how we make it through otherwise. Another shadowy form of grace.

I'm sorry for your family's loss. Peace to you all...

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Deb, I am a little behind in my reading lately, but I just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss and you and your family are in my thoughts.

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