Sunday, May 17, 2009

Reflections of An Older Person (Uncut and CLEARLY Unedited)

I'm not sure what my deal is. I am becoming such a hermit in my old age. I just want most people to leave me alone. I hate talking on the phone (except to the one person for whom I will always answer). I would make an excellent 86 year old man. But is it such a bad thing to just prefer the company of my husband and boys... and myself? 

I absolutely adore being alone. I love crawling into my head and mulling things over and over and over. Oh, and I have plenty to mull, mind you. I have at least one problem from all the major problem categories. And as much as I like to think that all my problems don't define me, they actually do. They contribute to the story of my life. They're the chapters, really. I don't look back on my life and think in terms of "pre-going-blonde" or "post-purchasing-really-awesome-metallic-flats-and-matching-handbag". I think about college "before the car wreck", or how I feel about my childhood "since finding out my brother is an alcoholic". Doesn't everyone think this way? I mean, I do think about the good things, too, but they aren't so much chapters, as they are the fuel that keeps me up and running. 

But listen, that's not to say that I let these problems get me down or control my actions. They really don't. Well, who am I kidding? Sometimes they do, as you have all bore witness. I get down and frustrated and sad and mad, better (and more frequently) than most. But as weird as this sounds, I don't really consider my problems to be problematic. They're just my circumstances. My hand from the great deck of Life. 

And I persevere. These circumstances don't kill me, but they don't necessarily make me stronger, either. They exist as long as I exist. Some will pass, others will remain. Forever. New ones will crop up (oh joy). I don't ever question the fairness of it all. "Why me?" is never entertained.

But I don't say that in a self-promoting sort of way. I don't think I am particularly well adjusted just because I don't ask for an explanation for my path in life. But I am aware that if I am going to ask "why?", I need to be prepared to ask "why not?" 

And although I have at least one problem from each of the major problem categories, I certainly don't want anyone who happens to be listening (yes, God, that means You! But I guess You already know that), to think that I want or need any more!

Anyway, happy Sunday and happy my birthday, and thank you all (especially you), for your sweet well wishes.

27 comments:

Tabitha in Bliss said...

Happy Birthday!!

Kristina P. said...

Happy birthday again, Deb! You are an amazing person.

Heather of the EO said...

Happy Birthday, sweet lady!!!

I really mean it when I say I'm really glad I bumped into you in the great big wide blogosphere.

You wax philosophical and say how you're really feeling (in a really cool way), and at the same time you don't really throw up your fists with all the WHY ME questioning. And the fact that you have the attitude you do speaks volumes about the person you are.

If that made any sense at all...it was supposed to say YOU ROCK!

Happy Birthday!

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

Well Happy Birthday Sweet Deb!!! I hope you were blessed with a quiet day in your own head LOL

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

Happy Birthday Deb...and I am so glad you arent an 86 year old man. Then I would feel creepy talking to you, lol

I hope you have a great day!!!

Under the Influence said...

I totally understand the being alone (different from being lonely!) thing. I LOVE it, mainly I guess because it doesn't happen a lot.

Happy b-day!

Harlene said...

Happy Happy Birthday sweetheart!

I have so much to tell you...I never made it to DC, obviously, or I would have given you a hug and let you rant about your trip "home". I have an alchoholic bro too.

As for the loving to be alone, me too, although I do ahve friends that I love to be with when I want to be alone, like you, I mean you would be one of those friends. Does that make sense? I also often like the idea of attending church, grocery shopping in another part of town , etc, just because I don't feel like running into anyone and making chit chat. Sometimes selfish, sometimes self preserving. I did one time share with my mother in law a fantasy I have of going somewhere I've never been, don't know anyone or anything about and just winging it for a week by myself. She immediately responded with, "Okay I'll come!" that's the type of people I'm surrounded by.

I SO GET IT!

Lee of MWOB said...

Happy Birthday from one loner chick to another. So glad we found each other and thank God we live so far away so we won't really have a chance to get sick of each other. I think. :-)

This year is gonna be BIG I tell ya....not sure exactly why but it's gonna be big.

Love -

Lee

:-}

Brenda Jean said...

Wow, it's your birthday! You ARE amazing, and you are my cosmic twin or twin from another dimension, or is that myself from another dimension? Oh man, now I'll be thinking about that:) I like to be alone, I love to be home with my family. I however picture myself as a 90 year old woman in a rocking chair with a good book. You aren't going to ask me to pull your finger are you? (it's such an old man thing to do!)

Ginger said...

Happy Happy Birthday!! I hope you get to do something for yourself that is very special.
I enjoy my alone time too.

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

Happy Birthday Deb!! May you spend the day backing in the love of your family!

Beth said...

Happy Birthday!

Like you, I love being alone and with my family. And by family I mean my husband and children. After having to be on the phone so much at work, I despise it's interruptions in my home life.

Circumstances is a great way to look at what life hands our way. I recently decided that it was a good thing that I have to work so hard to keep the weight off my arse (unlike my skeletal mother and sister). I am stronger in body and spirit because of the effort I put into working out. If I were one of those people who could eat what ever they wanted with out excercising (bitches), I'd sit right on the sofa and pony up another sandwich.

I love your insight on life! You are a great person!

It's Always Something Around Here said...

Happy Birthday....hope it was a good one!!!

I am quite the loner myself and I always think there is something wrong with me. Good to hear I am not alone!

jsprik said...

happy birthday!!hope your day was great, just like you!! :)

Beadiful Things said...

I think I'm turning into a hermit too (my husband's already there). And alone time is my most precious commodity; one which is all too lacking in my life these days.

Sorry I missed sending you happy birthday wishes yesterday! I've been trying to actually spend some time with my family instead of with my computer. Not sure how that's working out. But happy birthday!!!

jori-o said...

Happy Birthday Deb!

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

Happy Belated Birthday girlie - I hope that you had a day filled with your husband's hand in your, smiles and hugs from your children and a glass of bubbly in your other hand!

Tony@ That One Paticular Harbor said...

Happy Birthday young lady. I hope your day is the bet and all you wish for.

Elaine A. said...

I enjoyed reading that. It helped me learn more about who you are as a person and that is good. : )

I hope you had a fabulous birthday...

kel said...

Happy Bday, awesome lady!!!

And I love being alone!! I've always been that way. I don't like people.. except for you, that is.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Happpppy Birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day! (And I would make an really good 86 year old man, too.)

mama-face said...

This may scare you a bit...but I get chills when I read you because I think we may be twins separated at birth. It's like reading me if I wrote better.

NOW I know why old men make me sad. I identify with them.

I could go on and on and on and on. but I won't.

Eva Robertson said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Deb! I do enjoy your posts!

Em said...

I'm thinking you ARE an 86-year-old man, and your avatar is actually a shot of your hot granddaughter.

Admit it!!! (I'm a complete loner too. I'm with Jo - I'm never lonely when I'm alone. Never.)

This is brilliance: But I am aware that if I am going to ask "why?", I need to be prepared to ask "why not?"

Sending you a virtual cupcake. Wish I were there to blow out the candle with you.

You're welcome :-) Love, me

Jenners said...

Happy Birthday! And I'm right there with you ... I prefer the company of my immediate family with occasional forays out into the world of "others." one of the reasons I like blogging is that I can have interaction but on my terms and without all the pain in the butt social stuff that goes with meeting "real" people ... so I guess I'm a bit of an 86-year-old man too!

Lindsay said...

I can appreciate needing to be alone. I wish I had more alone time just to do my own thing without guilt.

Right now I don't have enough to mull over to require alone thinking time. I kind of like it this way ;)

angie said...

I missed your birthday? Sheesh. I suck. Happy late birthday! :)