I'm not sure what my deal is. I am becoming such a hermit in my old age. I just want most people to leave me alone. I hate talking on the phone (except to the one person for whom I will always answer). I would make an excellent 86 year old man. But is it such a bad thing to just prefer the company of my husband and boys... and myself?
I absolutely adore being alone. I love crawling into my head and mulling things over and over and over. Oh, and I have plenty to mull, mind you. I have at least one problem from all the major problem categories. And as much as I like to think that all my problems don't define me, they actually do. They contribute to the story of my life. They're the chapters, really. I don't look back on my life and think in terms of "pre-going-blonde" or "post-purchasing-really-awesome-metallic-flats-and-matching-handbag". I think about college "before the car wreck", or how I feel about my childhood "since finding out my brother is an alcoholic". Doesn't everyone think this way? I mean, I do think about the good things, too, but they aren't so much chapters, as they are the fuel that keeps me up and running.
But listen, that's not to say that I let these problems get me down or control my actions. They really don't. Well, who am I kidding? Sometimes they do, as you have all bore witness. I get down and frustrated and sad and mad, better (and more frequently) than most. But as weird as this sounds, I don't really consider my problems to be problematic. They're just my circumstances. My hand from the great deck of Life.
And I persevere. These circumstances don't kill me, but they don't necessarily make me stronger, either. They exist as long as I exist. Some will pass, others will remain. Forever. New ones will crop up (oh joy). I don't ever question the fairness of it all. "Why me?" is never entertained.
But I don't say that in a self-promoting sort of way. I don't think I am particularly well adjusted just because I don't ask for an explanation for my path in life. But I am aware that if I am going to ask "why?", I need to be prepared to ask "why not?"
And although I have at least one problem from each of the major problem categories, I certainly don't want anyone who happens to be listening (yes, God, that means You! But I guess You already know that), to think that I want or need any more!
Anyway, happy Sunday and happy my birthday, and thank you all (especially you), for your sweet well wishes.