Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Eyes Wide Open

Okay, I am back from my whirlwind trip with some really exciting news... I am almost 100% sure I am not going to burn in Hell for all of eternity! This is actually quite huge for me, as the uncertainty of my soul's future has been weighing on my mind since I was a child. Let's see what else I learned:

I am now convinced that God has very little to do with the distribution of people's problems. Not that He couldn't be, if he so chose (so don't panic, I am not underestimating His omnipotence), but the whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" is a fallacy. An old wives' tale, if you will. Bunk. Bullshit. Soooooo not true. So, if there are any of you out there riding the wave of false hope that it can't get any worse because God won't let it... I am here to tell you to get over it. 

It can get worse.  It can get a lot worse. People whose lives seemed idyllic can break under the weight of a lifetime of secrets. I happen to be related to someone who can no longer handle the enormity of his pain. In reality, he hasn't been able to handle it for quite some time. And it is so very clear to me that it will probably get worse before it can get even remotely better.

But I don't say that out of bitterness or anger or hopelessness, or even lack of faith. Ironically, after my weekend cruise down the River Styx, my faith remains unshakeable and stronger than ever. But I am no longer certain that "it will all be okay." And I am not so sure all of my ever-increasing, big girl problems are all "for a reason." Which is not to say that I don't think God is with me every step of the way.

In fact, I do know with all my heart that God is here for each of us. Whether we attend church 3 times a week or not at all. Whether we have a prayer chain that extends around the world, or if we are just one weak, tired, confused and hurt voice whispering in His ear.  

35 comments:

Summer said...

So very true...

So wise you are. =)

Kristina P. said...

I applaud you and your wisdom, Deb.

Tabitha in Bliss said...

Deb, I truly have to agree with you on this. S*^t happens and I don't believe He dulls out S*^t to his children. We all have to go through trials and tribulations.

My 2 Cents :)

Soxy Deb said...

Did you hear that? That was the sound of my bubble bursting. *sigh*

CaJoh said...

I think that people make up that myth to assure people that they can survive the struggles in life and not to give up. Even if you feel like the lone voice in the wilderness— the act alone of asking takes a great weight off of one's shoulders.

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

I am off pondering... great words, as usual!

Bee and Rose said...

Wise words from a wise woman:) I am in complete agreement with you...I am even wearing my big girl panties! Bring it on, life!

Under the Influence said...

I'm with you on this. Though I can say that when I walk through those pearly gates, I hope to find out all of the answers - WHY? (the most asked question EVER.) Who shot JFK, for real? How did OJ get away with murder?

Tenakim said...

now I'm just scared! Next thing you're gonna tell me there's no Santa Claus!

Nobody's Girl said...

But maybe it's our concept of what "better" actually is. For me, that's how faith works...letting go. (and, no, I have NOT perfected this...ha!)

Michel said...

Where the heck did you go and how did you come back all knowledgey??

Truer words were never spoken.

jori-o said...

Well, despite the difficulty you and your family have gone through (and have yet to, ah, overcome), I'm glad that you have a good, sane, positive faithful outlook. Truly. And I hope things get better soon =)

mama-face said...

So, is there anyway you can describe how you KNOW this? I don't mean that disrespectfully, which is what it sounds like, I have just on the prowl for someway to KNOW that HE cares about the pitiful weak person I am. I've been on kind of a quest about this actually.
For whatever reason, I'm not getting it.

I love your honesty.

Heather of the EO said...

Holy cow...So I sent you a link in an email, right? I did not send it to you in response to this post. I just read this post now. And I'm thinking either you'll LOVE the video within the post or you'll want to spit at me. Could go either way.

But I'm thinking that maybe, in some strange way, that video says what you said here. And that would just be really cool.

Because you're right, we get waaaay more than we can handle...and yet, God CAN handle it and is still right there with us in the midst of all that we can't handle. And stuff.

Did you know that I think you're really great?

Lindsay said...

It makes me happy to see your faith revitalized. It's even cooler that it took a sucky situation to do it. God does work in mysterious ways.

It took me a little bit to realize what you were getting at with getting more than you can take. I do now :) If you had only what you could handle alone, then what would we need God for? I agree, too. God doesn't hand out pain and misery. That's something else's job.

I'm happy that you feel spiritually better. I'll keep you in my prayers!

angie said...

I fully believe this too. :)

Tony@ That One Paticular Harbor said...

Wow, I have to agree with you. I mean I can't tell you how many people have doled out all the usual comments you have touched on and more lately. Don't get me wrong I appreciate the support, life is life. Read the back of your birth certificate.

1- no guarantees
2- no warranties

Debbie said...

Amen from my corner!

stefanie said...

Preach it.

Missy said...

We are all going to hell and I am driving the bus!

Jenners said...

Well, I'm relieved you are not going to Hell...that is a load off, I'm sure.

And I agree with much of what you said. Hang in there, girl.

Em said...

You know how I feel about that damn statement - not getting more than you can handle - where's the end point to that?

One of us, huddled in a corner, screaming uncle? I'm pretty sure He doesn't work that way.

I don't know who made it up, but they are King of the B.S. in my world.

I sit in awe of you, my dear. Glad you're home safe and sound, and stronger.

Lee of MWOB said...

I'm with Em. I'm in awe of you too my friend. That was one perfect post. Straight from the heart. Saying what you mean and what you know. You are a wise soul.....

I especially love your last line and will remember it for a long time....

Beadiful Things said...

Amen, Debbie. Amen.

Sally's World said...

uh oh..if this is enough to send us to hell, i guess I'll see you there...lol!

Wendyburd1 said...

I am gonna have to disagree with you Deb because I DO hold on to the thought that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I believe before we were born we knew we were going to be given the problems we have and agreed to it, not that I like it or feel like i can handle things as they are now, but it is what I hold onto, part of what my church teaches. And I need that. Something to hold onto.

Tiaras & Tantrums said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brenda Jean said...

So, agreeing with you, though I wish parts of it weren't true. I WISH life were easy and all it took was prayer or belief to make it perfect. I guess free will, creativity, intelligence, love etc. means we take the bad with the good and try to muddle through. That sounds bitchy doesn't it. Sorry, PMS, you know:)

BoufMom9 said...

Of course He is with you. I think what we tend to forget is that we were all given free will and He is just here to help us along and guide us down our paths in life.

I completely agree, that God only gives you what you can handle... is just total BS. No one can handle their child dying and yet, it happens. It sucks.

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Beth said...

Whoa! You are getting deep.

I probably need more prayers. Seriously, I've been questioning the sanity of the educational system WAY too much lately.

jsprik said...

truer words were never spoken deb!!! God is in control, and He doesn't make mistakes, but the cross He goves us to bear can often be VERY heavy!! when we lost our son at 10, at times we thought we might be crushed beneath the weight of it all, but God is faithful and He does comfort and pretect us in our time of need!! thanx for a great post!! ;)

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

It used to make me angry and upset when people would find out about what we went through with our son and his cancer, and then they'd say, "Well, he never gives you what you can't handle," as if that was supposed to make it all okay or something...It just made me feel weird...

Rebecca said...

Came over from Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit - so 1st, Happy Birthday, and 2nd, what a great post. I've always hung to the thought that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but after reading your post, I'm thinking/feeling differently. I don't think He gives us the bad to handle, but rather that He gives us the strength for when it does get worse. He gave us His Son to prove, that He does hear us (through long prayer chain, or one quiet, weakk voice) and we can gain strength from him.
Thank-you for this post...off to read more :).

Anonymous said...

Debbie, you blow me away. Why am I not surprised. You secret is safe. Have not had a chance yet to read more than a few posts, but it has already cheered me up immensely and I get the bonus of hearing your voice in my head. LOVE IT. SMOOCH. LB in you know where.