Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I know it's not all men, but it is certainly all of my men. They are just so...so slovenly. And unorganized. And smelly. And clueless. Which I know is not the end of the world, and I don't hate them or anything because of their awful, disturbing habits, but surely on my own blog, which is frequented by people who interact with me and not them, I get the luxury of a little complaining every now and again, right?

Oh, and did I mention forgetful and obnoxious?

It's all just so constant. Constant chaos, constant laundry, constant "Oh, I need black felt, a non-fiction book, and a potato by tomorrow"**, constant "You owe me $40 for January's allowance and I need it now," constant noise, constant underwear lying on the floor with the leg holes still intact, as if they just stepped out of them, when in reality they've been there since Sunday, constant everything.

Which, for an above average wife and mom, might not be a huge deal, but for me, it is overwhelming. I need time to think. I need time to assess. I need time to plot revenge. But with all these men of mine up in my grillz 24/7, I find myself having to just react.

And I am not so good at reacting. I snap. I yell. I become catatonic. Oh, and now that my kids are old enough to get it (but young enough still, I suppose, to feel the cruelty), I am sarcastic. And sometimes, I just capitulate. Capitulating when beaten down may actually be the worst reaction of all. Because that means they have sensed my vulnerability and moved in for the quick, decisive kill, prompting my cowardly surrender.

Did I mention I am glad everyone is back at school/work?

And can someone please explain to me how I have managed to go to Target on three separate occasions, looking for some sort of miracle cream to put on my haggard old mug, only to come home, ALL THREE TIMES, with the same stupid stuff that does nothing but make my skin itch?

**no, I'm not making this up.


Kristina P. said...

You also forgot to mention farty.

Missy said...

When you figure out how to "manage" a small group of males, will you please call me first? My DH is the leader of the pack! Christmas Break has almost killed me! LOL

Lovin Lane said...

lol, you always have a way with words... lol

Beth said...

My two boys and husband do this same crap. I'd like to get together with you to plot some revenge. Two heads are better than one!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

I think I lost the battle against testosterone a long time ago. Sorry I can't help.

Michele R said...

I can relate. Mine are slobs. I had one of my SIL over for New Year's and she is mother of two girls and she could not figure out why I have no time to exercise, or, etc. Or why I have to prepare so much food.
I can say that I stopped allowance a couple years ago. They get $$ only to mow the lawn or do a major project outside. I was tired of having to remind--even with a chart. Now I have to remind them to clean the bathrooms (they roate and the Youngest does the best job.
And often I'll read a magazine and feel like I understand what creams to buy at the store but once in the aisle I give up and come home empty handed. I have Dove something for daytime and a Loreal thicker creamed something for night. I rocked the early 40's but the past couple years--someone sent my face a memo or something.

Anonymous said...

Ha! With the new year, I presented "new" chore charts for my boys.

Should be good for a chortle or two.


Brenda Jean said...

Hey Deb. I'm sure I've done the same thing and been in the same mood. Today I fought with Angry Teen because his grades are MY fault. I stress him out and then he can't do well. WTF? I went out and bought a doughnut and a new paperback because there was no other response other than to smack him up side the head. Men, boys...all the same. Grrrr...

Jenners said...

...black felt, a non-fiction book and a potato.

what the heck were they doing?

And you need more estrogen in the house!

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

You totally need another FEMALE in that there house w/ you! I have 2 boyz ( hubs and son) and they are gonna be the death of me, I swear... i totally feel for you!

Em said...

I've come to the conclusion that you are me, just 10 years from now - I want off this crazy ride!! Promise me we will still be friends then :-)

A potato? Really?

And Michele, kudos for not kicking your sister-in-law in the teeth. I swear to God, the next mom of a girl that tells me that crap is going to get her a$$ chewed.

Sera said...

I don't know how you do it. If I were you, I think I'd hire a housekeeper or one of those people that old people hire to come and keep them company, but it would have to be FEMALE. That is just an insane amount of testosterone in your house, and I will admit I have many of the same frustrations! I loved your statement about plotting revenge. :)

Kim said...

Oh you are killing me Deb. It's just what is to come with my boy and girls...oh the girls...the hormones, the periods...I am NOT looking forward to that. What was I thinking having 2 girls in 2 years? ACK!
I digress...I love this. You are so so very funny and whenever you need a break, come on out here, we can escape together. maybe we'll let Libby come...if she can be nice and not bite my boobs anymore.

mama-face said...

ha...I get you. Yes I do.

(I'm just noticing the 9 year old is starting to smell like a BOY...ick. you know what I mean.)

Tenakim said...

I haven't been around to read all of my fav. friend's blogs in so long. I think it's fair to blame my lack of blog reading on my husband and my son- most things are their fault.

michelle said...

OMG. I'm cackling with the hysterical laughter born of the knowledge that I AM NOT ALONE!

very funny. if we didn't laugh we would cry. right?

Straight to Your Hart said...

Um..the itching swells the face which helps for the youthful appearance;)

What's for dinner...I am starving!! Well let me magically pull that one outta my A$#! K..off the box and that's just one of many in a day..as you so well put it..THANK YOU! ;0) Hugs!

♥Georgie♥ said...

ummmm did i write this? cuz I could swear I have these same thoughts....i own 1 male child 1 male adult child and 2 girl childs...yep this is my life!
no about that butler....halvsies?

Harlene said...

I am here for you sister! You so know I get it! A wiser older friend once explained that males are exponential, meaning 3 males is actually males to the third power, or 9 messes!

This is why our Mom's are whacked!

You forgot to mention estrogen is a requirement for finding the ketchup!

Summer said...

I have two in this house....and ew.

Especially Jimmy.

His farts are just ridiculous and not cool. Not cool at all.

Under the Influence said...

Being in a house myself, with three boys and hubs, I totally feel your pain. My oldest hit me up today with the allowance question. I am tired of explaining to him how/when/where I already paid up!

Oh, and I saw your diet list on Tena's comments for today's post. I think the apple pie counts as a fruit serving, so I would't worry about it!

stefanie said...

Ha ha! Steve could say the same in reverse about living with us. It's constant girrrrl stuff for him. He has to retreat to the basement which he has renamed the 'man cave' in an attempt to retain his gender identity.

And I owe you an email. Promise to get to it this weekend.

Ann Onymous said...

I'm using sarcasm too -- it's a kneejerk thing. I need to stop because my daughter's starting to get it. :-(

Jessa said...

This is also my life, don't feel bad! LOL

CaJoh said...

Unfortunately, I'm a man so I can't help you with dealing with the male of the species, but perhaps you can find something to use to stop the itch.

Take a deep breath and know that this too will pass (unless they're passing gas— in which case, don't take too deep of a breath).

Anonymous said...

Private Fotzen


Live Girls

Marinka said...

When they start asking for retroactive allowance, I really lose it. Because they could say "you owe me $2,400" and I would have no defense. I probably should start asking for receipts.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

This makes me want to avoid allowance all together. It sounds like you need a vacation!

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