Friday, July 31, 2009

Drug Me Now: A Mother in Crisis

I haven't cleaned a nebulizer, yelled at Moody Teen to do his chest PT, nor fought with the insurance company in a week, and I have to say it feels, well... strange. All the cumbersome medical equipment is kind of piled up in the corner and the meds shoved to the back of the fridge. Life is awfully quiet, and seemingly stress-free. Normal, perhaps. Is this what normal feels like?

But not jumping through the medical hoops and listening for a cough means my sweet, big boy is gone... Out of my care and my reach. Off to the mountain-top, skiing and jumping and living a teen's life without a care. It's probably a welcomed break for him. His usual daily medicine cut down to the very bare minimum. But just for the week. One week to basically be just like everyone else. To be normal.

He's not homesick... He's loving it. Off by himself, meeting new people and trying new things. His health is in his own hands... completely out of my control. A preview of things to come? The man he's going to become?

As freeing as it is for me, I have to confess that I am a mess. Somebody just put me on a Diprivan drip now, and keep it running for the next 50 years. I want to take care of him forever, but I know that's weird and wrong. Did I mention that normal is not all it's cracked up to be?

21 comments:

Em said...

Normal is completely overrated.

See, what would you do with yourself if you didn't have something "real" to worry about? Something Hubs says to me on a weekly basis.

Not that I wouldn't mind trying it on for a couple of hours.

Glad to hear he's having an incredible time. Sorry you're not :-).

CaJoh said...

Much like having the kids get used to being at camp for the summer, the adults have to get used to the kids not being around as well.

I guess that is one thing that you can count on is that you will always be their mother.

Annie said...

I hope he is having fun!
Have some wine, Deb! He'll be back and you can medicate both of you soon!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

I know I worry myself sick over my teen....and he isnt sick. I can't imagine how much worse it is to worry if he is doing what he is supposed to do. {{{HUG}}}

Under the Influence said...

Can you sneakily rent a cabin/hotel room right next to his and spy on him? I'm sure he wouldn't notice.... :)

Glad he is off and having a good time. Let me know if you get that drip.

Ginger said...

Hi Deb:
I'm glad everything is going smooth for all of you. When my 4 kids were home, it was constant chaos and I looked forward to the days of quiet when they were on their own. I quickly found out, I don't like it, I miss it, and wish I could go back in time. Life is too boring now. lol.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

How awesome to hear that he's doing good, and he gets this little "normal" reprieve.

Breathe, Mom. You're kicking butt, you are.

♥georgie♥ said...

awwwww I am glad he is able to go and enjoy if only for a week....
I dont have a big pill stash but you are welcome to whatever I have until he returns...lol

Hugs Deb...

Beth said...

Who is defining normal? In your world, normal IS taking care of your son.

Abnormal is the break.

Regardless, enjoy the abnormal peace and quiet.

jori-o said...

Baby steps...a week of him taking care of himself will eventually turn into longer periods of time...and that's ultimately what you want, right?? It'll just prove what a fantastic mama you are to have taught him how to be independent and healthy all by himself. Big boy! Good job! (clap! clap!)

{bittersweet...sniff, sniff}

Sera said...

Aw, Deb. :) Big hugs to ya, lady. Is he at camp or something? They do something here each summer for kids with asthma and other similar problems and the camp has tons of doctors and nurses who work at it - they have a chance to do things that would normally create major problems, but they have ways to make it possible so the kids can experience those things.

I have to give you major props. This stage (15 months old) is making me a huge worry wart - I can't imagine what it's like for YOU! You rock.

Nap Warden said...

Here's to him having fun!

I'm not ready for them to grow up:(

Wendyburd1 said...

Normal people worry me! Of course you are still a bundle of nerves, you are his Mom and you worry for his health!! That makes you a GOOD mom!! ((HUGS))

mama-face said...

What is NORMAL? I know I appear normal on the outside, but inside beats a very un-normal heart.
I wish more people knew that. That sounds pathetic. That's un-normal for you.

Um. Where do you go skiing in July? I've been vacationing for awhile, so appears I missed something...I hope your boy is doing well!

dana said...

Wow. I can hear the ripping sound of your heart being torn in two from way over here!

Heather of the EO said...

You're such an amazing mom. You love those boys so much.

Yeah, the daily grind amidst all the medication and worry, etc is HARD. Then when it's not there...

what to do? what to do?

Brenda Jean said...

Normal? Who the heck is normal? I think it's a fantasy, kind of like those homes in Better Homes and Gardens. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'd be just like you, and often am when the kids go away:)

angie said...

I guess that first trip away didn't make the second any easier?

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Oh my gosh, you poor thing. He's out there having the time of his life and you're worried something awful. And it's probably one of the more common juxtapositions in the world.

Oh well, look on the bright side....at least it's Monday. Oh wait, that's never a good thing. Hmmmm, wait, I'll get back to you on a bright side...

Lee of MWOB said...

Dude You rule. You are an awesome mom. Have I told you that already? Can I tell you again? This post breaks my heart because I know how hard it is for a control freak to let go. :-)

I know your "normal" week is over....do you still need drugs? I may be able to help.....

AND are you coming this weekend?????????? I know it's a long shot but a girl can wish right?

Susan B. said...

I can identify. I imagine the day when I will no longer be in charge of my boys and take care of them. Weston, my oldest, starts kindergarten this fall. It's the first step in letting go.
I love the title of your blog :)