Thursday, May 1, 2008

Hi, My Name is Debbie and...

I'm addicted to segues. I can't express myself without them. God forbid I have a thought in my head that wants to escape without having a good enough reason to spit it out. One reason I don't initiate conversations is I don't want to inconvenience/bore people with a topic that doesn't have direct relevance to what they want to discuss themselves. I guess that is the doormat in me, inherited from my mother.

Another reason is I don't want to seem self-absorbed or pre-occupied with things that aren't either excellent gossip or beneficial to the majority of listeners. If I bring something up simply out of the blue, that I need to get off my chest, doesn't that make me selfish? Maybe I feel this way because so many people I associate with ONLY talk about themselves. I could be standing there with a bleeding head wound, and they would still be going on and on and on about how they hope their kid makes the yearbook staff this year.

The final reason I don't talk about things that aren't already on the table is fear. The reason certain topics never arise is because I go to great lengths to make sure they don't. I avoid talking about them because, although I am pretty much consumed by them, they scare me too much. I am afraid that uttering what eats at me will only give it life and push me down a never-ending staircase. I'll be left alone to confront what I hate, what makes me sad, what chases me in my nightmares. It'll take over and I won't be able to function.

So unless somebody happens to say, "Hey Deb, let's discuss your deepest fears and biggest problems," they will stay neatly tucked away inside my soul. And, if perchance, someone does happen to go there, I'll probably just lie and tell them everything's peachy.

"Not a care in the world. And, hey, how 'bout those Redskins?"

4 comments:

Beadiful Things said...

That's funny. Talking about my issues/fears helps me deal with them. We all have our coping mechanisms!

Jay @halftime lessons said...

I dont know anything about football, so you can ALWAYS spring your emotional baggage on me...Plus, Im not intelligent enough to understand segues, anyway.

Wendyburd1 said...

"Hey Deb, let's discuss your deepest fears and biggest problems,". I just thought I'd make sure you knew people WERE interested. I LOVE segues, I am a litter scatterbrained and...oh a pretty bird...hmmm?...oh yes, LOL. That's what I use to describe how I feel scattered, I constantly worry that...well I constantly worry. I LET my fears overrun me.I have several, I guess they have to be called mental disorders like depression and such, that make fear a HUGE part of everyday life. And being SO shy, does not help I tell you. I worry people won't be interested in what I have to say ALL the time. It's one of the reasons I am kind of scared about trying out this whole blog thing. I know it shouldn't but if no one reads it, it will just reinforce my feelings of being not worthwhile or good enough I guess. Not that I want people to read it to MAKE me feel good. I want "stalkers", LOL, who find me interesting and fun.
Don't be afraid to speak up. You obviously have a lot to say...and places like this can make it easier. You find friends (hopefully, cross your fingers!) and can speak to them without worrying how they might LOOK at you. Would I go up to someone I just met in person and tell them I have depression and a mess of other things that might scare them off (even though they make me, ME)? NEVER, lOL.
Anyway...normal people worry me.

CaJoh said...

I always say… "Sometimes a stranger is better company than a friend…". Those who are unfamiliar with the history of something are more likely to be objective and offer better advice than those you are close to. Looks like you already have a good support network to back you up, so don't be afraid to let go (someone will catch you).