So I guess it isn't really any surprise to any of you that I am a total maniac. And, hopefully, you read my silly little blog with that in mind... That I am just plain nuts. An emotional nightmare, if you will.
I feel like after my last post, I should explain myself, which is kind of counter-intuitive to the whole notion of blogging for oneself. But, not only am I insane, I also have rather substantial guilt issues. Hence, the need to explain away any kind of emotional outburst that might cause you, my dear readers, any physical or psychological discomfort. Sick, isn't it?
Anyway, the long and short of it is, nobody is dead or on the verge of death, or even within a year or two of dying, for that matter. My son is fine. Life goes on, and let me tell you, that boy knows how to handle life. We should all be taking notes.
But my head is someplace different now. I am changed. I am the one that's not okay, and that's just silly, because I am not the one with the disease. I am obviously sulking and I hate that about myself.
I am all caught up in this whole "He doesn't deserve it" thing, which leads to the whole "Well, but who really does deserve it (besides evil ol' me, of course)?" which just makes me sad for all of us. And being sad sucks.
So, in an effort to snap myself out of this, I am about to do what any self-respecting head-case would do... Make, and then eat, a chocolate cake. Please pardon me while I make myself feel better with food.
Oh, and ps: Thanks for coming to my rescue, once again. Your words, your prayers, your strength, love and humor amaze me. Pat yourselves on the back, people. You deserve it.
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38 comments:
Just read both posts---
LOVE YOU!
Hope the chocolate cake helped! =)
Hope you are doing better.. send some of that choc cake my way!
Chocolate cake definitely makes everything better!
I am just getting time to catch up on past posts! You and your family are in my prayers! Just remember, miracles happen everyday!
I just read both posts, too. No apologies, for godssakes. Are you kidding?
Only wish I was there to eat that cake witcha.
No need to apologize in my book...you have every right to rant, rave, and scream to the sky about the injustice of it all...
Cake is a magic food...I call it an emotional band-aid lol...
Mmm, chocolate cake!
Excuse me.
I have some baking to do! *smile*
Aw, I heart you. :) That is THEE best thing to do right now. Hope it worked it's magic on you, friend.
There are no rules to dealing with scary issues. Except for cake. Lots and lots of cake is required.
I am thoroughly convinced that you are my kindred sister....chocolate cake is the only thing that can temporarily heal my broken emotions.
I adore you.
Love it! Chocolate always come to the rescue and heals all. You are right....he does not deserve it.
Can I come have some chocolate cake too? I am having a pity party over here also.
What good is a blogging community if you cannot vent, have a pity party, & get encouragement? Hope the chocolate helps!
I think when things happen to our kids, it makes us crazy for awhile. It's just the mama bear coming out in us. You have every right to be scared and pissed, and I am with you...chocolate cake helps every time. That and a bottle of wine. lol.
I'm praying for y'all.
I know CF kiddos that are adults now. And kicking proverbial butt.
Just saying!
Deb, you may not be the one WITH the disease, but you ARE living with the disease also! And it is your baby! (HUGS)
Deb - nothing much to say except I friggin' love your maniac self. And neither you OR your baby deserves that disease...but like you said, he knows how to live life and you know what? So do you.
Chat soon.
Lee
Did you eat all the cake already?
Dang...
And to probably echo what other people are saying, this is YOUR blog and you get to do whatever you want with it and if that means crying one day, and then apologizing for crying the next, and then apologizing for apologizing the next, then that's your prerogative, man.
met you last night, and "maniac" never came to mind. You hide your insanity very well. Or maybe, I too, am insane, and so your insanity is just normal to me...
I have a great chocolate cake recipe should you ever need one...and butter cream...I bake my way out of crisis, and well, that is pretty much a daily thing around here.
I think you should just allow yourself to be a wreck. I mean, you don't HAVE to be a wreck all the time, but if you have some really bad days, I wonder if you can just accept that and give yourself a break while eating chocolate cake?
Why am I giving advice? I'm a total nut job, weepy, over-analyzing people pleasing guilted schlep. But whatever. Take my advice.
Hey ... I'm just catching up so I'm here post-chocolate cake and post-meltdown but I think both of your posts are totally valid. I can't imagine living with this hanging over my head ... and I'm sure it scares the living daylights out of you every time you come up against some reality of it. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not a maniac... you are a mom who loves!
There's nothing like a good chocolate cake to set it all right...hang in there, sweet friend:)
I am hoping the magic chocolate cake works wonders for you!!
Because I love the idea of sympathy pains, I'm going to eat chocolate cake today, too!
You are an amazing woman and stronger than you know.
OK...I got caught up with the last post...yes chocolate cake is tha answer...
I'm thinking that's the answer for my crazy bro troubles as well;)
I'm glad that things are doing well, and don't beat yourself down for feeling the way you do. I can guarantee I'd be feeling the exact same way, and I would be willing to bet that I'm not the only person who would feel that way, either.
Chocolate cake sounds like a great idea, especially with LOTS of icing.
I try to remember the well-intentioned words of Hubs when I get wrapped up in the whole crappy gene wheel of fortune thing...
"If it weren't this, you would be worrying about something stupid. You were born to worry."
I know there is some logic in there somewhere. LOVE, me
Chocolate Cake— Yum.
Are you making it from a mix, or from scratch? I'm sure you are already eating it now, but I have a simple recipe if you are interested.
Sometimes those who are not the ones actually suffering suffer more. The fact alone that you worry is not a bad thing— it just proves that you love them all the more.
I hope the cake was DELICIOUS and that you enjoyed every bite!
OK. Now here's the deal:
eat the cake, but don't complain about the weight, bloating, or the fact you can't eat cake again for a whole year.
How wonderful so many care about you. It is all good. Allowing yourself to be a wreck is healthy once and a while. It kind of resets the clock if you will.
You enjoy that cake girlfriend! Every last bite. And you know...there is no shame in adding ice cream and chocolate fudge on top of the cake. I'm just sayin'...
Oh Mrs. Deb...you are truly a beauty. Your words regardless what you may think..bring joy to my heart. I find myself refreshed by your willingness to share them with us. Thank you for being kind about Daniela missing...I (HEART)you. Save me a piece please:) Hugs...
sendin you lotsa ♥♥♥'s yanno Deb i dont it matters if we are the one with the diease or not...we are still affected/effected by it...Hang Tough
and for the record i cant spell either...geesh
Oh can I relate. You might already know that.
Great minds think alike. Something like that.
Great posting as always.
I prefer vanilla ice cream, but whatever works.
My middle name is guilt-- and the word insane is something I'm quite familiar with. So, no explanations are needed, but then again, I know that it's easy for me to tell you this--but I would do the same thing because I'm always having outbursts and then feeling the need to explain. Eat away. Explain away. It's okay:)
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