It is the perfect storm... a convergence of individual events causing one really spectacular mess (and maybe a casualty or two, before this is all over). Here we go...
So you all know my driver's license has been expired. Since May (I know, I know). Well, I went to the post office to apply for a passport, and the guy points out to me (duh) that my license has expired. Let's call this Red Flag #1 (RF#1). I asked if he thought it would be a problem and he assured me that it would not be, as he has processed many applications with expired licenses. Although hesitant, my laziness and hatred of the DMV won, and I proceeded. I then handed over my birth certificate, which would have to be mailed in with my application. Since I was going to be without my birth certificate for a couple of weeks, I asked again if he thought it would be fine. This time, his story was more ambiguous. "Ma'am, all I do is write down the information you give me... It is up to them," (Hello? RF#2). Either feeling extremely optimistic or perhaps having lapsed into complete denial, I happily paid my $135 for expedited service and left.
Well, well, well... Later that day, my husband and I took the kids to turn in their applications. Both parents have to be present and both have to sign something saying we won't kidnap our own children (no thank you), or something like that. So the guy (different guy) asks for my ID and I innocently hand over my license. He takes a look at it, starts to laugh this crazy, mean, very upsetting laugh, and tells me he can't accept my license, since it has expired (RF#3). So of course, I launch into this whole big thing, thinking surely I can convince him otherwise, and ultimately get my way. He doesn't budge. In fact, at this point, he is kind of acting like I am trying to pull a fast one (which I guess I am), and am some sort of criminal (which I guess I am).
Suddenly, the consequences of my actions and inactions are crystallizing in my head. My boys can't get their passports until I either get my passport or get my driver's license renewed. I can't go get my driver's license renewed because I need to have my original birth certificate, and that, my friends, IS ON ITS WAY TO THE STATE DEPARTMENT. So the more desperate I become, the angrier I get at the guy, which is my typical M.O. (not very mature, I admit). I grab all the paperwork, give the guy a dirty look, leave him with some completely ridiculous words of advice to ponder, and march out (my family had long since headed to the car).
So now it is a month until our vacation for which we will need our passports. And instead of learning an important lesson and perhaps calling the Passport Agency to explain my situation and beg for mercy and assistance, I am busy scheming how to circumvent the system. Will I ever learn? I am just worried that if I call attention to the fact that I have submitted my application with an expired license, they will reject it and I will have to start all over again. If I keep my mouth shut, maybe they won't notice or won't care, I can get my passport, then quickly get the boys'.
My husband keeps trying to point out that my anger is totally misplaced, and perhaps I should be shouldering some of the responsibility for the "situation". He also is promising to send lots of postcards to us from the vacation he will be taking alone. Remind me to never speak to him again.
So I am still driving around with my stupid expired license and a brake light out. It is only a matter of time, people. Only a matter of time. I guess the good news is if I do end up in jail, perhaps I can get to the bottom of this Casey Anthony mess.
I had an immediate change of heart. My Shoo Bear came through for me after all, and suddenly Valentine's Day seemed like a holiday worth celebrating. I was impressed with his pre-planning, although I am sure if I checked his cell phone records, I would see an emergency call to FTD placed around noon yesterday. 
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