He's supposed to be keeping ME awake

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Moving Day

It's an interesting feeling I am experiencing as I prepare to close up shop around here, and begin again at my new home. I know many of you will be lost in the mix, and that's okay. Who knew there would be so much comfort in silly statistics that may or may not accurately reflect the number of eyes that fall on my words?

I started alone and was prepared to remain alone... typing out words that had been locked in my head for so long, with the reward being in the exercise, itself. But, lo and behold, you read my words and accepted them. And accepted me. And supported me. And helped me. And guided me. And reassured me. Such a surprise... such a gift.

And so now the thought of being alone isn't as freeing as when I first began. But it's an opportunity to change and to grow. To do some things, perhaps, a little differently. Which is good.

So, for those of you who want to tag along to help keep my sanity in check, come on over. For the rest of you...

Thank you.

Under the Knife

Attention: For anyone who is remotely interested in my whereabouts, I am currently undergoing blogger reassignment surgery (BRS). I am having to use every last brain cell I own to make the switch from Blogger to Wordpress, basically because I am an idiot and have no idea what I am doing. I do, however, pride myself in being an excellent direction follower, and since you can find directions for just about anything on Google these days, I am determined to succeed. My new friends in the tech support department over at Bluehost are being very patient and have talked me off the ledge more than once.

So until further notice, go about your blogging business. And don't miss me too much.

PS: As absurd as this all sounds, it is true. I am not being held hostage by my teens and being forced to create a cover story for my absence.

A Cat Tale

Our sweet little kitten, Sassafras, recently came down with some sort of eye thing. So, I did what any responsible pet owner would do, and tried to resolve the issue on my own, rather than do something crazy like take her to the vet. You may not know this, but veterinary medicine is a scam. I found this out a few years ago, when the vet suggested I give my dog valium (long story). Here I had been buying all these expensive official pet drugs for years, only to learn they were the same as people drugs, but with expensive official pet drug names.  Ever since, I have been operating under the assumption that pets are basically just humans with fur. So, take note:  When your pets get sick, you can just do to them what you would do to your kid. Or your grandma. Whichever one weighs less.

So, I pulled out my Armageddon kit filled with emergency tampons, Ensure, and drug samples to see if I could find anything that might cure Sassy's eye. Thanks to Moody Teen's disgusting bout of pink eye a few years back, there was some ointment that was sure to do the trick (regardless of what the expiration date might have indicated).

After about three days of treatment, Sassy was slowly getting better. But not quickly enough for my impatient family. They were all concerned and kept begging me to take her to the vet. I was confident in my treatment plan and didn't waiver. I insisted that due to the whole species exchange rate, the medicine might take a little longer to work.

The next morning, we all noticed that her eye had gotten significantly worse! The boys were distraught and blaming me, and my husband was all prepared to launch into I-Told-You-So mode, when suddenly, I noticed something strange...

"Poor" little one-eyed Sassy was favoring the wrong eye. Didn't think we'd notice, huh, Sass?

Teen Talk: Survivors' Stories

So here we are... alive. A little brain-dead, but alive. Since I have apparently lost the ability to write, I thought I'd break out the camera. I was lucky enough to score an exclusive interview with a couple of survivors of the Mommy Wars. Keep in mind I had only one take, as they were threatening to unionize.

I have been more than a little fixated on all of the angst over the standard, kid-raising fare, that always seems to result in finger-pointing, judging, and general mommy self-righteousness. Breast v Bottle, Cloth v Disposable... you know what I mean. I just don't get it, but maybe I am too far removed. But then I think, maybe it does matter, and I am simply justifying my own actions. That's when I decided to find out from those whose little lives had been molded by my decisions...  for better or for worse.

The verdict? Well, although it appears on video that I really screwed up, since my boys can barely string two words together, the truth is they are awesome, and they made it. They are funny, they are kind(ish), they are not in jail (yet), and they brush their teeth. What more could a regular ol' non-green, reluctant breastfeeder, epidural-loving, tv-watching advocate mother ask for?

Three of A Kind

Oh, these boys of mine... And to think, for all these years, I have been taking the blame for their big mouths. I'm fairly certain that this photo is proof that their blonde hair and blue eyes aren't the only things they inherited from dear ol' Padre.

5 Easy Ways to Raise Girl-Friendly Boys

So my boys have their flaws. Lord, Lord, do they ever. However, it might surprise you to learn they have some decent characteristics, too. One of which is their ability to interact with the opposite sex in a fairly healthy manner. Not to pat myself on the back, but I think I have played a large part in this. So let me share with you my suggestions for successfully raising girl-friendly boys.

1) Make sure your boys are comfortable around tampons. Preferably still-packaged ones, please! For the younger set, just having the box in plain sight is enough. Once they are driving, there is no reason they can't go buy them for you. If you do try this, be sure to have them purchase a few innocuous items, as well. After all, your goal is to desensitize them, not completely humiliate them. I tried this last weekend and my boys didn't blink an eye when they saw tampons on the list. That's more than I can say for most husbands.

2) Expose them to chick flicks and soaps. This can be tricky. Do not force them to actually watch. However, having General Hospital on the TV, as sort of background noise, will probably be enough to make them subliminally want Luke to finally settle down with Laura (once she is out of her catatonic state, of course).

3) Make sure your boys have at least one good female friend. This is one you have to start early, before they get to the cootie-fearing stage. I remember Moody's very first friend was a girl. In fact, they would have sleepovers, which as toddlers, was perfectly acceptable. Better than at 16, that's for sure!

4) Get them used to apologizing. This is key. They'll need to perfect their technique by the time they're in their first relationship.

5) Insist that your husband pamper you. This is the best way for your boys to see for themselves how a girl should be treated. You should have no problem recruiting your husband, because, after all, doesn't he want your boys to grow up to be respectful and loving men? Of course he does! For beginners, I'd recommend starting with the nightly foot rub.