Thursday, January 15, 2009

Comfortably Numb

*author's note: to the obviously large number of germaphobes visiting my blog, please IGNORE the fact that my child (that was attached to me umbilically for almost 9 months) and I shared the same bottle of moonshine. In our moment of desperation, cross-contamination was not a concern!
 
My Beans has been sick all week. Today he was well enough to hopefully fly under the school nurse's radar. I've been sick, too, as you all know. Since I am slowly feeling better, I have decided it is probably not lung cancer, but I am not ruling out meningitis OR bird flu (thanks, Kel).

But today's post is not about my acute illness, it is about an addiction I share with my Beans. I don't know if I should feel guilty for possibly passing this down to him genetically, or because I have been feeding his (and my) habit for years, with no plans to stop. Just call me Crack Mama.

So let's all pretend we are sitting, without judgement, in a circle, in some church basement. I'll get the ball rolling...

My name is Debbie, and I am an Afrin addict. I have passed this addiction to my son, and feel like I have no way out. The first time either of us feel a stuffy nose coming on, we head for the magic elixir. We don't mess around, either... It's Severe Congestion Afrin WITH Menthol, or nothin', baby. I know I sound unrepentant, and perhaps I am. Maybe I am not ready to shake this monkey from my back. I know my son's not. 

He was lying prostrate on my bed yesterday, using his cell phone to text me in the other room, as he was too weak and sick to come get me, or raise his voice to holler for me. 

B: does we have any afrin, madre? (for the record, he does know this is illiterate sounding, but somehow thinks grammatically incorrect texts are funny)

Me: yes, beanie

B: da good kind?

Me: no, beans. only generic

B: can u go 2 the store n getz some extra-strength afrin?

Me: sure

B: wit menthol?

Me: good lord. yes, ok

B: and sum pudding?

Me: k

B: don't forgets da afrin 

Me: right. go to sleep or i'm taking you to school.

I get home from the store, and he sees the Afrin and literally starts singing a weird, little joyful ode to menthol Afrin (creative, yet disturbing). He snatches it from me and squirts it in each nostril without flinching. He lets out a sigh of relief and lays his head gently, and happily, back on his pillow. Very nonchalantly, I take the bottle from him, go into the other room and take a couple of hits off of it, myself. Ahhh... there's just nothing better than an open nose, nostrils burning sweetly from the menthol. Who doesn't like to breathe through their nose?

Does it sound to you like we may have a problem?

145 comments:

Under the Influence said...

I am calling Children and Family Services right at this moment. I'm sure they'll have no trouble finding you by the name of Deb @ Dirty Socks & Pizza. They'll mapquest it and be knocking on your door any minute now!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Eww, hoped you wiped it off first.

hopes u 2 feel bttr!

(so much cuter when Beans does it).

P.S. and is it wrong to confess that I'm somewhat jealous that your kids are old enough to leave at home while you run to the store?)

CaJoh said...

I guess I'm addicted to baths. I seem to take them whenever I feel a cold coming on.

Never know who I recommend my home remedies to, but you are more than welcome to give some a try:
http://cajoh.blogspot.com/2008/11/home-remedies.html

Hope you both feel better soon.

Denise said...

I was ok up until you shared the bottle. That part was gross, lol. Next time get two, then you can each binge without the other one suffering.

and to be honest....I didnt even know what Afrin was. Sorry. Feel better soon.

Tony said...

Is there a 30 second rule for Afrin? I am with Eudea-Mamia on her PS. Hope you all get better very soon.

Kristina P. said...

What the crap is Afrin?

Tenakim said...

I am horribly allergic to cats and my step mom has them- so Christmas Eve is a challenge of trying to breathe WHILE dealing with the fam!!!

My brother took pity on me this year and pulled Afrin out of his pocket- like some kind of drug dealer..."This shit is good- try it- you'll love it and get hooked!" I couldn't, in good conscience, stick something up my nose that was in his already, but I was very curious!!! Now I'm even more!!!

B said...

Giddy dances are good when the possibility of breathing is knocking at your door.

Beadiful Things said...

The texts sound very familiar -- my stepdaughter does the same thing.

I can't do Afrin...gives me a headache. As for the sharing...I want to be supportive here but...ew. A little. Still, if I were to share a bottle with anyone, it'd' be one of my offspring.

Feel better!

Joy said...

I will confess I like the stuff also but we only have the generic I will HAVE to get the good stuff next time, because I love good drugs that make me feel better when I am sick like the Nyquil that has to be behind the counter!

I will also confess to sharing the bottle of nose spray, I do however squirt some hand sanitizer on a tissue and rub it on the part that is stuck up your nose. Ya know that is how germs are spread!

Aria said...

OH, don't go to the meetings at the church!!! They're much more judgmental there! Goto the meetings above the "drug store" all junkies know that one! ;-)

Feel better soon!

Harlene said...

Afrin? Never heard of it. I have my kids convinced Dramamine is the cure all for everything. It knocks ya right out!

Young Momma said...

That's hilarious! I can totally see you walking into the bathroom and trying so hard to wait until your there, quietly shutting the door and taking two quick hits off of it...lol Walking out as if nothing were amiss. lol!

So - my mom used to always tell me that I was nicer when I was sick. Is that true for all kids??

Ahem... and... uhm... I'm trying really really hard not to be a lil lil lil bit hurt by the fact that my button is missing....ahem.... ~sniffle~ It's cool. I like Denise's button too. (lol!)

Young Momma said...

Oh - did I miss the fact that it was supposed to be gross that you were sharing nose products with your kid??

Yeah... I guess I did. And I'm hugely OCD.... but that doesn't bug me. I guess you coulda wiped it down with a tissue... I do it when my kids share those with each other... I think me and my hubs share ours though... anyway, now I'm rambling.

I think it's fine. lol

Wifey Dessert said...

that is so funny!! i love the text messaging.. i do the bad grammer thing cuz i dont have time to text every little word haha....

Jen said...

don't worry, we are nasal spray sharers at this house too. And the joy of breathing from the nose it priceless.

jill jill bo bill said...

I know we HAVE to be related. My mom and sister, AB, do that crap 24/7. I hear squeezesqueeze SNIIIIIFF, squeezesqueeze SNIIIIIFF AHHH ALL.THE.FREAKING.TIME.DAY.AND.NIGHT.

Lacey said...

I think this is one of the best posts ever written. Really. It's so rare that a blog can give you air cravings...

I hope you two feel better soon! :D

Lindsay said...

Oh I know how good that stuff is. Whenever I get a cold I have to limit myself to how long I can take it or I get addicted quick!

Straight to Your Hart said...

Well, maybe not crack...sniff, sniff..tehe!

I hope you all get feelin bedder!!

stefanie said...

well,dear,you have brought me out of seclusion again...

I went to the dermatologist a couple of weeks ago, and I learned that I had to quit my addiction. that is, 'lip glub' (seen The Three Amigos?, if not, that phrase doesn't make sense) any way, the derm told me I had to quit all lip products with MENTHOL and anything that gives you 'the tingle' because it is an irritant, and you get hooked on it. That excludes most anything in a pot. That's where you find my beloved, Lip Medex. Lovely. I like my tingle. I've been two weeks on plain chapstick. No tingle. Boring. Boring black tubee thingy. I want my blue pot of lip glub back.

so, you know, since you mentioned MENTHOL, I thought that when you're ready to quit your addiction too, and we could start a menthol withdrawal support group.

Loved this post. It's good to know that you guys text from room to room and share germs too. And send kids back to school when the nurse might not want them yet.

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